I Did Shadow Work for The First Time
My inner child finally smiled at me
What is your shadow?
Our shadow is the dark part of ourselves. The concept was first introduced by Carl Jung, a humanistic psychologist. Although I’m not a psychology professional, I have some basic ideas of the concept and know how to navigate it.
The shadow is everything about yourself that you’ve repressed: things you don’t like about yourself, things you feel ashamed of and have pushed deep down, something you were told was unacceptable about you in your childhood and you’ve hidden it since then and so on.
I’ll give you an example. When I was young, everyone made fun of me because I had a heavy voice. I felt so embarrassed each time that I pushed that part of me deep down and tried my best to change it. This became a part of my shadow.
How can you notice your shadow self?
You have to start paying more attention to how you think, the way you behave, what you say, and so on.
- Notice what you hate about other people.
This is my favourite one. Often, the things that ick us about others are the things we dislike about ourselves and refuse to acknowledge.
Do you hate someone because they constantly bad-talk their friends? Could this be because you do the same and feel ashamed of yourself for it?
- What are you projecting onto others?
Projection is a defense mechanism where we place our unacceptable thoughts onto others as if the thoughts belonged to them and not to ourselves.
Were you feeling insecure about how you were dressed and you commented something negative about another person’s style?
- What triggers you?
Why did you get unreasonably angry that one time someone cut the line before you? When someone commented on your work today, why did it affect you so badly?
These are some things you can start noticing or questions you can start asking yourself. There is usually something deeper than the superficial issue at hand.
I’ve been trying to uncover these for myself for quite some time now. It helps me understand myself better and opens the road to acceptance.
There are some things my younger self didn’t know how to deal with and she pushed these things deep down. But now that I’m older it’s my responsibility to shed light on them, accept what happened and give myself the emotional validation that how I felt was normal. I don’t have to hide those parts of me anymore. If they serve me, I can keep them and if they don’t I can let them go without judgement.
We all take time to grow but the first step to that is to accept your past self without any judgement and shame so you can let it go. The more shame you feel about parts of yourself the bigger they’ll become and the harder it will be to just let them dissolve. Treat yourself with understanding and empathy instead of judgement and criticism.
How to do shadow work
I’ve been doing shadow work mentally for quite some time. This was effective to some extent but last Sunday, I decided to allocate a journal for it and promised myself I’d explore one deep question each weekend.
If you want to start with just mental work that’s okay. Just probe yourself on certain questions like the ones I mentioned above and try to be painfully honest with yourself. If you’re ready to take the next step here’s what I did:
After I allocated my journal, I lit a candle as a sort of ritual before I started (completely optional, it just helped me set the mood) and started working on my first prompt:
How judged do you tend to feel on a daily basis? Explore how much of that perceived judgement is real and how much is imagined.
I ended up writing about 6–7 pages and the journey took me deep into my childhood and the criticisms I faced from my family then. It helped me realise why I behave the way I do.
Disclaimer: Shadow work isn’t all light and fluffy. You have to address the parts of you that make you heavily cringe and accept the harsh way you’ve been treated in your past. But it is the ultimate form of self-care. It’s loving yourself enough to dig up those heavy feelings again so you can finally let them go.
Other prompts you can try:
- When was the last time you got angry at someone you shouldn’t have? Why do you think this happened?
- Which part of your life stresses you out the most? (Career, Relationships, Body Image etc) Why do you think this affects you so much?
- What is the last thing someone said to you that deeply hurt you? Why do you think this had such a deep impact on you?
- Do you feel like you love and accept who you are? What are some things you don’t like about yourself?
- What is one thing/ a person you’re the most scared to lose? Why is this (relationship) so important to you?
Summing up
If there’s one thing you decide to do for yourself this year, I recommend you do shadow work. It helps you let go of what has hurt you, what you feel ashamed of, and all the extra baggage you carry into your life. This can stay in your life in the form of prejudices, insecurities, a fragile ego, inferiority/superiority complexes etc.
You have to accept and embrace yourself so you can become who you were always meant to be. Shadow work lets you create a space where old injuries lay so you can fill them with new, more positive memories and mindsets.
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