I Don’t Have Time for My Friends
How growing up affected my relationships
I’ve always been an introvert. When I was a kid, I was never the one asking my friends to come over for a playdate. I did have a lot of friends at school, but seeing them at school was enough for me. I was usually the kid declining invites to hang out after school. I’d think to myself:
But we’ve already hung out ALL DAY. Isn’t that enough?
Oftentimes, I would accept. This was usually because my parents would make me. And besides, I felt bad always saying no. And yes, I would have fun with my friends, I definitely enjoyed hanging out with them. I would just be exhausted the next day, so this just didn’t always seem worth it to me.
This continued into high school. Again, I loved my friends and loved hanging out with them, but seeing them at school and during extracurriculars was enough for me. I would try to force myself to want to spend time with them after school or on weekends, but curling up with a good book or going on a Netflix binge always seemed much more appealing after a long day of socialization.
Then came university. My childhood best friend and I decided to room together. This was a challenge for me. Not only was I seeing people all day every day, but I didn’t even have anywhere to escape it. I didn’t even have a room to myself. I would find myself travelling home to my parents’ on many weekends just to get that peace and quiet that I so desperately needed. This hurt my friend. She was someone who had to be with someone at all times. She hated being alone. Looking back, we were probably not the best fit as roommates.
The Present
Flash forward to graduation. And COVID. I am so busy with work and studying, that I don’t even have the time to see anyone. Not to mention, the pandemic we’re all caught in limiting this further.
I’ve lost some friends due to this. When you’re not being forced to see people every day, you realize which friendships you can live without. You also discover that relationships just don’t work when you don’t put anything into them.
Growing up and becoming an adult with an adult job, relationship, and life has made me realize how easy it used to be. I didn’t ever have to try to see my friends, they were always there. I took for granted how easy it was to keep friendships alive when the circumstances were so perfect. Knowing now how much I miss seeing people, I wish I would have been more appreciative of how my life was back then. I wish I would’ve gone to more parties, spent more time with my friends after school, and made more memories.
But I’ve also realized who my true friends are. These are the friends that I can go weeks not talking to, maybe even months. These are the friends that I know I can call day or night, and they would pick up. These are the friends that understood me in high school and college. The ones that understood that I didn’t have the time to spend with them all day at school and then after as well, and they didn’t either. The ones that understood that I needed time to myself too. These are the friends I’m excited to see when the stars align and we are all able to get together.
What’s Next?
I’m looking forward to the future. To getting out of my comfort zone more often. To nourishing the friendships I’ve built over the years and am lucky to still have. To making more memories.
Yes, taking care of yourself is crucial. It’s my priority. But being there for the people in your life that complete it is also important. We’re at a point in life where you aren’t seeing your favourite people every day, but they need to know that you’re there for them when you’re needed. Just knowing that I have people in my life like that helps me get through the days where I’m feeling alone, even if I haven’t seen or spoken to them in a while.
