I don’t know where to start
What do I do next
Have you ever been in a place of total confusion? In some ways your life is going exactly the way you imagined, but for some reason, you feel lost.
Have you ever been what feels like a crossroads? You have achieved something you never thought would be possible anytime soon, but now you feel lost.
Why is that? Why can we as human beings be content with what we have achieved? Why can’t we just be where we are? Why can we not just be at peace?
Age-old question of achievement
Honest answer that I can come up with, for me at least, is that I am happiest at the state of achieving. I am the person that is most content when I’m on the journey. I don’t really care all that about the destination.
I recently got the house I wanted to have for a long time. Honestly speaking though, I was never truly excited about the dream of home ownership. I was more excited about what I can provide for my family.
I have worked hard as heck, researched, invested, and overall improved my financial condition. I have done what I once thought was impossible. Yes, out of all of that, it was the process of achieving that I miss the most. Now that I’m not in that process anymore, I almost miss that life. Strange huh?
It was some of the hardest times of my life, but I got through it. Sometimes it drained me totally emotionally and/or physically. Sometimes I felt like I’m about to burn out. Going through all that was hell sometimes.
Yet, I miss it.
If you have all the time in the world, you would lose sight of the most valuable and limited resources on this planet, your short time on it.
What else do I miss?
My wife Jassi says to me sometimes an old Bengali saying. “Jai din bhalo din”. Basically, it means all gone days (good or bad) are good days. I honestly didn’t fully understand this, until just right now.
I have been listening to some of the songs I used to listen to on the radio, or downloaded on Napster or Kazaa. Yes, I went through those days. No, I don’t do that anymore, as they are taking deserving money away from the artists.
Anyway, I was listening to those songs, and it really took me back to the good old days. You know the days containing dog days of summer. I used to bike, fish with friends, video games, have sleepovers, and so much more.
I loved that I slept over at a friend’s house just to try out his new computer. I loved that we would dig up worms at my mother’s garden, or grab them at the local convenience store and go fishing.
I love that we’d go basketball playing at a local court. I love that we’d go hiking at the nearby jungle just off the pond on the highway.
I miss them because I can’t have those days anymore. I am way too busy to be able to do such things these days. Also, I’m an adult who has certain responsibilities which steal that time away from me. Such is the fact of life. It is the way life works.
This is actually a good thing. If you have all the time in the world, you would lose sight of the most valuable and limited resources on this planet, your short time on it.
What do I do next?
One thing I know for sure. I don’t want to miss my wife and kids along the way. They are truly my heart and without them anything I achieve will be quite hollow.
That is the age-old question, isn’t it? After I achieved what I never thought you achieve, what do I do next?
I never actually thought about it, because I wasn’t 100% sure I’d be here at all. I have always worked towards this goal of homeownership for over a decade. Something always comes up that puts me behind by years.
I am not fully settled with the house yet, but I will be soon. When that happens, this question will become much louder in my mind. I have a few dreams I want to think about. One of them being a childhood dream of mine.
I want to be a pilot. I don’t know if I ever will be, but it is a dream I truly want to achieve. Do I want to be an airline pilot? No. I want to fly a plane anytime I want (within reason off course).
I want to be able to fly around the world without every worrying about the logistics or money.
I know what you are thinking, that’s a fantasy. It doesn’t sound like a dream to me. You know what I’m thinking? That sounds like me about a decade ago. Life has a way of surprising you, in amazing ways. Let’s see what is next. I want to achieve my own dreams.
One thing I know for sure. I don’t want to miss my wife and kids along the way. They are truly my heart and without them anything I achieve will be quite hollow.
What is will you achieve next? Remember to enjoy the journey, because it is what you will miss most. Make them the best days of your life, even if they feel like the worst as you are doing through them.
