I feel lost…
Afloat a sea of nothingness, a packet of compressed chaos yet an everlasting calm remains at the top.
With another milestone of age fast approaching(my 20th), I feel like there are many missing pieces in my life's puzzle. Nothing is figured out yet.
This may seem normal to most people, “20 is still young” you may think. But it’s all a matter of perspective.
What I want from this world is not much, that is if you’re looking at it from a logical perspective. But we can easily observe from today’s world that retiring before 30 with a beautiful wife and only having to worry about how best to raise my kids armed with the capacity to live without having to worry about mundane things like money is far from basic…of course, money, the hero and villain of the story.
With a world rigged against young people with no stupidly rich parents or backing, having a university degree doesn’t seem to help much with your chances.
I have been precocious from a very young age, and being aware of the reality of life at such an age, I set goals for myself with age limits.
But experience would always best a clever mind as I have learned, since my plans are still on track but now I realize just how much I dislike the result my little plan would yield.
Of course, just like every young man or woman out there, I’ve picked up skills along the way, and alternative career paths and discovered a lot of myself.
So, there’s no reason to worry, I guess? Unfortunately, I do not have a mind that functions that way.
For this reason, I get called pessimistic a lot of times. I tell myself I’m not though, I’m just very practical and believe humans to be inherently selfish, so who else but myself to look out for me?
I find myself in limbo, staring into a night sky with no stars. “How dull,” I thought to myself. Almost saddened by the fact that not even the stars were out to cheer me up.
Melancholy, with no sense of purpose, I ponder to myself — “would it be this year?” The year where I’d finally break out from mediocrity, the year where my only problem would be being too fulfilled.
Perhaps I ask for too much, perhaps I should settle for what I’ve been given, slaving away for the rest of my life and finally ending it with a regret of not being able to provide as much as I would have liked for my kids.
