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I have lost it all.

More often than not you will encounter some type of loss in your life whether a job, a relationship, a significant other, or a close relative. You will be confronted to some level and severity of having to be deprived of something or someone you cherish most. Throughout this journey, you may find yourself being completely numb, inapt, at great dismay, and mercy of your thoughts and actions. You might also find that in the midst of this turmoil you have drifted away from your initial objectives.

You are your worst enemy.

Someone once pointed out to me that I had not only been obsessively dwelling on past situations but also overanalyzing the present and therefore bringing more tension and concern to the “future”. I thought I was alright. I had led myself to believe that this was no more than being forthcoming and planning out the steps that were necessary to the achievement of my goals. This was utterly and quickly invalidated as I came to realize that on top of not pursuing my goals wholeheartedly, I also had no clue about what I wanted to achieve, how I wanted it to come about, or my most honest intent in this pursuit. This presented itself as a rude awakening, an uncomfortable place I was not yet ready to explore. I first had to acknowledge then understand and lastly accept one simple fact, I was lost and that loss stood in the way of my purpose.

Admitting that I was my biggest enemy required some time to process, took away some ambition, and built some mental blockages that would soon become exacerbated, but most of all it left me resentful. When all you do is think, think, think again, and think some more, you quickly end up running laps around and through your thoughts, clouding both your judgment and perception. You spend an obscene amount of time in your head, trying to find resolution by overthinking your way out of self-indulged strife, not being able to discern the thoughts that you are thinking from the mess that you are creating while trying to reason with yourself. In order to feel relief from the burden, I had to accept full ownership of my behavior and recognize the patterns that I had set for myself.

Let it die.

We often stand in our own way by disagreeing with the idea that in order to find that which we are seeking, we may be required to get lost for a while, give up attachment to what we think we know and who we think we are. This notion of time may seem excruciating and lengthy but in truth, the sooner we are able to own our loss the quicker we can recover from it and find our way back. It takes a tremendous amount of effort, as we must be able to let go of our so-called identity and kill our ego in order to find serenity with the life we have been setting forth. The greatest challenge we could encounter is finding the strength to literary let our ego die in order to give birth to our renewed self. We are a creature of habits, which turns into belief systems that turn into personality traits that become ways to identify ourselves and these are extremely difficult to entangle when they have been ingrained within our being for some time. Only now in my thirties, am I capable of reflecting deeply on the meaning of my life, and the truth that has been hiding behind the lies, the stories I fed myself and the narratives I subscribed to.

The way through is not the way out.

What I have come to realize is that the way through is not always the most favorable way out but a step in the direction that can serve us best, not separating the ego from who we are but acknowledging the ego by releasing attachment to it and birthing our new self is the way through. Finding faith and clarity while wandering through life doesn't have to be painful, as long as you are willing to go with the grain and let it guide your every step, you will be able to find ease in challenges. Tranquility and comfort can be found in the most unpredictable places, all it takes is the ability to exercise patience with ourselves and readiness to let go of what stands in the way. Taking the time we need to figure out what ease means to us is a valuable practice and being flexible allows us to bend in the direction that brings the least amount of effort. By doing so, we can allow ourselves to get lost with purpose and find ourselves with faith.

Thank you for taking some time to read my post. Hope you've enjoyed it and that it can help relieve some stress or worries. If you like this, consider following my blog as I will keep posting more similar content on medium. If you want to offer feedback I am all ears and would love to interact with you.

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Manu Kiza

Contrarian thinker, challenging the way we see the world and finding roots in being an outcast.