I have not changed my surname after marriage
I haven’t changed my surname after marriage. Yes, and it is my decision so why change? My maiden surname gives me a sense of belonging to myself, my identity, and my closeness to my family. As it is I am leaving my house behind, my parents behind to come and stay at my husband’s house with his parents.
I still remember my husband supported me before marriage but after marriage, he stopped doing it. Now he says, just go with the flow why did you want to fall into this modern trend of not changing surname? But I told him if my mother has changed or if your mother has changed it, so be it. I decided not to change my surname and yes, I feel connected to my parents in that way.
In Indian culture, when a girl is married to another family, then she is bound to leave not only her parents, but she devotes her surname and get a new name, in North India the girl has to change her name as well.
The girl is getting a new identity.
This norm has been in practice since civilization started in our Indian society. It is said in Indian culture, that a woman is believed to be involved in the husband’s family only if she lets go of her surname. But is it worth it?
Now that I am also married, I was also told to do the same. Changing my surname post-marriage as my mother has done, my aunts have done it, but I have decided not to. My mother asked me “Why don’t you change your surname, what’s the big deal about it?
Yes, my inlaws were not okay with it because according to them, I am married to my husband now, so why shouldn’t I change? They also had the same notion about it, but I was adamant on my decision and if changing my surname is not a big issue, then not changing the surname is also not a big issue; that is why I decided not to change. My PAN card and all official documents have my maiden surname including my social handles. I feel connected to my surname, I feel a sense of belonging to my family. In my view changing a surname is just a thought and a cultural fag that has been in use in our Indian society for a long time.
As I am married to a South Indian household, I take part in all their customs and rituals. I cook Mangalorean cuisine at home.
So am I not a part of the family? Does that mean I have ousted myself from them? My inlaws and my husband both have accepted me with my maiden surname in the family. My sister-in-law also feels the same and has not changed her surname.
Recently I read an article on Indian culture; the Law of Coverture was introduced in India by the British rulers; a practice of using the husband’s surname by a lady after she gets married. Also, the Britishers had two names, the first being their original name and the second being their surname; so Indians too started to follow the two-name system. So theoretically the practice of keeping the husband’s surname in India originated from here!! The two-name concept was more of a status quo for the upper caste north Indian Brahmins as they considered themselves to be at par with the British Raj.
In contemporary times, more and more women are keeping their original surnames in India. They don't feel the necessity to change their surnames post-marriage. Keeping the surname is more of a choice these days and it also reflects the modern thinking of our Indian society.
