I Never Stopped Loving You… I Just Thought You Did
“I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay.” ― Sara Evans
Disclaimer: Not all of these feelings and emotions are really from my life, but a few of them certainly are.
Ahem… Hey… Hi…
Sorry to bother you, but it’s me again. It sure has been quite a while, huh? To be honest, this kind of feels like I’m talking to a stranger that I know a heck of a lot about. I have no clue what is going on in your life besides what you post on social media sometimes, but it looks like it’s going well. You seem happy.
I don’t know if my saying this will hurt or help, but I thought I should say what was on my mind. However, before we get into anything, I first want to apologize. Even though some days I feel more guilty about it than others, I do recognize I was not perfect. I didn’t hear you out when I should have. I held you back from growing and learning. I wasn’t as careful or delicate with your heart as I should have been. For that, I am truly sorry.
You may or may not feel like you caused some damage as well, but I am not here to pass judgment right now but to face my own demons. You can share your perspective when you are ready. Very few people know the actual truth of why we broke up. I keep telling others it was the distance or we couldn’t see eye-to-eye, but we both know deep down, that is all a lie. We had our differences, which is expected, but we desired nothing more than to simply be with one another. We cherished every second spent, cared immensely, and planned for a future together. We were untouchable. We were unstoppable. We loved.
However, when things weren’t going as we intended and the going got tough, you showed indifference. The more I struggled to hold onto you, the more you slipped through my fingers. I tried to pull you closer, but all it did was push you further. I was afraid of losing you, but I felt like you did not give a damn about losing me. Before I knew it, it was all over.
Time flew by and it has been a couple of years since when all I wanted to do was hold you. In the few instances, we crossed paths since then, all I gave to you were cold stares. I pretended to look away and ignore you, so you probably believe I just forgot about you. However, that is the furthest thing from the truth; I never stopped loving you… I just thought you did.
Far less than before, but I still wonder what our lives would have been like if we never drifted apart. Once in a while, you show up in my dreams and I get to hear what I remember your voice sounding like. I reminisce from time to time and frequent a trip down memory lane. However, because it seems like you left me behind, I was left with no choice but to make it seem like I could do the exact same to you.
I know we are different people now; our personalities, ambitions, and goals have changed. However, if this note ever makes its way to you, please know even if I have deep scars that may never heal, those formed me into the person I am now. Even if we may never enjoy another moment together, our time will always mean something to me, through thick and thin.
It is not the same type of romantic love, but as I said, I never stopped loving you, which means I still do.
