Dec 16, 2020
I Said “No" to Holiday Travel, Despite the Family Backlash
And I’ve felt horribly guilty about it ever since
If you’ve gathered anything about me and my family from the small snapshots of my life I’ve given, you’d know I come from an extremely liberal family. Politics, race, and science were regular conversation topics at our dinner table.
This year with a global pandemic taking the lives of more than 300,000 Americans has shown that I have much, unfortunately, different views on public responsibility than some of my closest family members.
Back in September, my boss asked me if there were any days off I needed for the holidays. She was getting a head start on planning classes over the public schools' holiday break. Optimistic, I requested off from December 23 to New Year’s Day. I was still planning on traveling to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee with my family like we do most years to celebrate Christmas with my grandmother.
I truly didn’t think it would get worse than it already had. I didn’t think the virus could spread even more and kill even more, including infecting my niece and husband’s step-father. I was — obviously — naïve and selfishly hoping I could retain some sense of normalcy to Christmas.
Between mid-October and the start of December, I was flip-flopping on my decision.
We are all being careful, so it’s fine if we go visit. As long as we don’t go into the city, it’s fine.
No, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do something. Wearing a mask only does so much.
But if we just stay in the house and only talk to each other AND we all get tested before and after the holiday…
I was just making excuses to try and make other people comfortable. I should not have to compromise my personal beliefs for the sake of someone else’s satisfaction.
I live in Maryland, where we have had fluctuating numbers since day one of the pandemic. Currently, my state sits right around an 8% positivity rate and an all-time high for hospitalizations and ICU patients. Today is the 15th of December that I am writing this; 10 days to Christmas. Something tells me that despite a vaccine making its way across the nation, things aren’t going to be better in 10 days. Hell, that’s the virus’s incubation period. In 10 days I could infect my grandmother and my uncle, or they could infect me and I bring that back home to Maryland.
I feel very strongly that for the safety of myself and my family (my husband and our dog), as well as the safety of everyone in my area that I should not go travelling out of state just for the hell of it.
As with any difficult conversation, I was trying really hard to figure out a way out of having to tell my parents and grandma. I knew that they were all planning on going still, even though the Governor advises against out of state travel or even seeing extended family over the holidays. I don’t condone their decisions and they sure are upset about mine.
I had been dropping hints to my mom for a few weeks prior to December 1st, which was the day we absolutely had to make a decision about going. I would say things like “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” or “I don’t see what the point is if we can’t go into town anyway,” and the like in passing. Finally though, at our Sunday Night Dinner, I dropped the bomb and said that neither my husband nor I would be going with them to Tennessee.
Unsurprisingly, my stoic and level-headed father just kind of nodded and said “okay, no big deal.” My mother, on the other hand, said “I think you should take some time to really think about this. You don’t want to make the wrong choice.” I assured her I had been thinking on it and sitting on the decision for weeks and that I was making the right choice for me and anyone I would be interacting with in the future.
I immediately felt guilty. I felt like I was letting everyone down; that I was messing up their plans by making a responsible choice for myself and my neighbors. I felt like I was inconveniencing them. Now they had to figure out the car situation all over again. Our Secret Santa is ruined. Even worse, I knew I still had to tell my grandma.
She called me twice in three days and left voicemails saying that she couldn’t wait to see me in a couple of weeks. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it wasn’t going to happen. I was dreading telling her so I avoided her calls and texts for those three days. In the end, she called my mom to make sure I was okay and Mom told her I was upset about not travelling.
I know my grandma and the rest of my family really do respect my choice to stay home and I think they understand the risk that they’re taking, too. I do. None of them are mad at me, they’re just disappointed that they won’t get to see me. I assured them all that I’m more than bummed about it but not going is more responsible than going and doing a bunch of Covid tests.
I’ve heard from a lot of friends and old classmates that there’s a lot of guilt surrounding the holidays this year. People are either doing whatever the hell they want and saying screw it, or they’re feeling this massive weight on their shoulders about what to do. We all know the right, responsible, logical thing is to stay home. But that isn’t the choice we want to make.
My birthday is in April and I was incredibly disappointed that I wasn’t able to celebrate in my regular fashion, so I had high hopes that we would get to have a fun 4th of July. Then I had relatively high hopes that we would have a fun Thanksgiving. Then I was still crossing my fingers for Christmas and New Year’s.
This entire year has been one disappointment after another, with one more guilt weight on top of my shoulders. What I keep reminding myself is that I am doing what is best for me and my family and THAT’S what counts. Everyone is entitled to make their own choices.
