I Start Scribbling and You Came Back Shoving Me into the Black Hole
Excerpt from an intrusive thought attack I had while writing my exams in College
I am confident, if not sure, assertive, and dejected for tales to repeat; I had a face that every bit of an inching me was there that day.
In scenes and virtues, I see long-lost tales of missing growing life,
Going for drinks, catching a movie, and dancing till the tunes accentuate heartbeats, all gone and paved into the river beds like Hindu Idols post-religious, cultural, and awe auspicious celebration.
Nondestroyable POPs lay in the darkening river bed, while the pollutants kill fish and riverine bleeds black death,
With dead matter rotting all the aquatic life, and so is the Kite that was bitten by a cast fish, organs spewing a red velvet puss
The pondering stops and I hear chatter, while I also feel the silence
Yet questioning in my mind, Why am I thinking about silence? How did I think about “ Why am I thinking about silence”? Why can’t I think of something as my experience was interwoven?
A sharp fear arises,
Trying To
Reason
Season my unique blend of spices
Imagining
Riveting, the prey that is made to be believed
Regurgitating
Crying and frying, the filth that was left
Forklift
To Puppet,
A dance, drama, and an acceptance
But what to, its conscience and redundancy,
Of psychopathy in quests,
Internal analysis and blue/red armor,
In the gorge and gangrene of all senses,
I took, took, hook, hook, and laid flat to take a leap
As I am in this white and positive aura
As the papers came, I believed that I knew everything.
As I spill my words, I have a gazillion words in my head. What if I am not doing this right? What if I have forgotten this? What if I cannot spell correctly? What if I have nothing in my head? What if I stop breathing and die?
Yet the flames had no right to be doused, you had to feel all uneasiness in one second.
Tension grips your arms, as you start jotting down your essays there is a heart beating at above 100,
Fearing someone will come to change your thoughts
At that moment all forces pent up and make you dark.
Dark is what lies in the frontier beyond today. So much pent-up energy and so little left from all the drainage,
You did not give up, but you need to see when will you last,
For every assumption is now a condition.
You are a Damsel in distress, that is roaming in the shadows to search for Prince charming, while the charms were different.
As the boisterous attempt at writing a paper soaked my hands, fingers, and sweaty feet with flood gates open of emotions,
It always becomes a pattern and makes personal levels impossible to introspect, feel bad that despite not doing a crime you suffered with sweat.
Maybe nudge a drop or two to women.
As I see the time was off, I had to write some stuff but couldn’t because he the predator curled and pushed me vertically and held me in the light sorcery, filled with deception when the wings are cut,
I only moved the face of the paper expecting I would have written in whichever way, they had done without intrusion.
I know the feeling,
A lurking heat and cool brain,
Losing perception and praising
Until a fight is evoked and a day’s labor turns into a being decider, crisis crossing attitude, ineptitude and shows gratitude to itself to fight it, for this matters is a boy on the verge of winning
This poem is a reflection on my experience with Pure O or Pure OCD and the kind of hurdles I had to face when the problem had just stopped by and crawled inside me when it was all new and scary.
Thanks a lot for taking some precious time out of your schedule to read my work. If you like it, you can read some of the other poems I have linked below. I hope you have a great day! Thanks for stopping by!!!
Chatter: An Unending Voice of Lost Conscience, Yet Speaking
How to find out who unfollowed you on Medium, Instagram, and Twitter: Steps
Roses and Thorns: A bewildering spring caught between hot and cold
