I Thought “Acceptance” Was B.S. Now I’ve Learned Better
Acceptance has made me more successful and freer of misery
I invite you to share with me any needs or ideas about what you would like to learn or know more about to have a happy and fulfilling life, overcome obstacles, and have a long, healthy, and amazing olderhood.
“Accept what is and surrender to it and you will be set free.”
Are you out of your friggin’ mind?!?! No friggin’ way.
I am not going to surrender and accept something that is unacceptable. I’m going to “Action Jackson” on it.
I have read and heard this advice so many times.
But to me, acceptance and surrender are passive and even pessimistic. I am not that way…AT ALL!
Therefore, I had never understood this thinking…AT ALL!
Time to really think this through
But what if I’m not getting it?
What if I’m looking at it the wrong way (you too?) I often hear it from people who have helped me in my life, so there must be something to it.
Therefore, I got to thinking about it. Really, really thinking (what a concept).
Boom!
Now I do get it and it works. It is important. It is the key to success and a happier more fulfilling life.
“Acceptance means:
“For now, this is what this situation, this moment, requires me to do, and so I do it willingly.” — Eckhart Tolle
It’s not about giving up or giving in (unless that is the best thing to do).
It’s about accepting the situation or circumstance…period. What is. The reality.
You have a flat tire. You have it. Don’t fret; get frustrated and bemoan it. Fix it.
The first thing you need to do something about it is to accept what is.
It’s about putting your energy and focus on the solution
We waste an immense amount of time, energy and emotion resisting what is.
This is pointless. You gain nothing and lose a lot.
“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.’ “ — Eckhart Tolle
Eckhart Tolle provides an example that makes it clear.
You’re running late for your flight and the security line is extremely backed up. Many people (including me) will spend their time in that line fuming and worrying.
Yet, there’s nothing you can do about it. Instead of getting all worked up, angry, worried, sad and releasing cortisol and other negative chemicals and hormones, accept it.
Be in a better mental state to handle changing your flight if you don’t make it and avoid having your day ruined as you carry the frustration and anger forward.
That’s a great example. But what about things I can do something about?
“Accept, then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.
Always work with it, not against it …this will miraculously transform your whole life.” — Eckhart Tolle
Ok…wait a minute…now I’m really starting to get it.
He’s saying don’t waste your time fighting the reality.
Accept it for what it is. Don’t struggle with it. Put all your energy into fully knowing what you’re dealing with and how to leverage it.
“The basis for true change is freedom from negativity.
“And that’s what acceptance implies: no negativity about what is.
“And then you see what this moment requires: what is it that is required now so that life can express itself more fully?” — Eckhart Tolle
Now, it’s all falling into place.
When I’m dealing with something I need or want to change, there are a lot of negativities and bad emotions attached to it.
I will whine, get mad or sad and fight the reality.
This hinders my brain from coming up with solutions and makes me miserable.
I’m focusing on what I don’t want. It’s a distraction on steroids.
It’s really a simple shift to make. Accept what is and put all your energy into solutions and/or dealing with what is.
Yep. This is getting better and better. But what about…
Accepting the unacceptable?!?!
Oh yeah. What about the worrisome and tragic situations that we constantly face? The loss of a loved one, sickness, human strife, politics, etc.?
“Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.” — Eckhart Tolle
How the hell did he come up with that?
(Deep breath, pause). I went deeper on this to understand, and BINGO, I understood.
If you cannot accept something that is unacceptable and there’s nothing you can do about it, then you are going to suffer forever.
There…is…no…point…or…benefit…in…doing…that!
I did this forever after my father, with whom I was very close, suddenly died when I was 15 years old. I would not accept it. Therefore, I suffered unnecessarily.
However, I did accept the mega-life challenge his death left me with.
Just a few weeks after his death, I was graced with the realization that no one was going to “save me.” Given my circumstances, it was all up to me.
I even realize he wouldn’t have been able to save me, even if he was still alive. No one can save you or me. Yes, others can support us, but only we can save ourselves.
This was the most transformational and important moment in my young life. This realization empowered me and set me on a course for a great life.
If I had not accepted this fact, who knows what kind of failed life I would be living (if I had even made it this far).
What about all the crap going on in the world?
“If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others.” — Eckhart Tolle
As for all the other tragedies, crises and nasty things going on in the world (e.g., politics, war, famine, etc.), I avoid getting emotionally wrapped up in things I can’t do anything about.
What’s the point?
I can’t worry or be sad enough to make anyone’s life better. Least of all my own. I accept that and therefore get a lot of worry, anger and sadness out of my life.
You might think, “Paul, that’s irresponsible of you. It’s important to know what’s going on in the world and care”.
How am I being responsible if I’m getting angry, worried or sad about something I have zero control of or can make a difference in?
If I am being distracted by things not in my control, then I am being irresponsible.
I need to be responsible for things I can do something about, and these require me to be my best so I can contribute to others, my community and myself.
“When you live in complete acceptance of what is, that is the end of all drama in your life.” — Eckhart Tolle
I’m all for that.
Accepting so my New Way Forward succeeds
I never expected that “acceptance” would be a key success factor to transforming my life.
But it has been. It has given me the ability and energy to make major transitions and overcome obstacles and successfully launch a new enterprise to make a difference in people’s lives and my own.
“The basis for true change is freedom from negativity.
“And that’s what acceptance implies: no negativity about what is.” — Eckhart Tolle
A 30-day challenge
For the next thirty days, I challenge you to notice each time you get upset, frustrated, worried, or scared because of an incident, circumstance, or problem.
Issues big and small that are in your life and other problems in the world that you can’t do anything about.
Each time you notice your non-acceptance, try to turn it around and accept it for what it is.
If it’s something that requires action on your part, don’t fight it or regret it. Simply accept it.
Then move forward with your solution.
Practicing acceptance and surrendering to what is so you can move forward to a better, happier, more fulfilling and more contributing life is the friggin’ way.
“And then you’ll see what this moment requires: what is it that is required now so that life can express itself more fully? “— Eckhart Tolle
I hope you can accept this.
Looking for a New Way Forward in your life? You can get my free “Launch Yourself Get Started Guide” by going to www.NewWayFWD.com.
