“I Told You so” Is Killing Your Relationships
In S4E8 of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon and his friends decide to catch a special screening of Indiana Jones but end up arriving late at the theatre. When Sheldon notices the long queue that has grown outside the theatre, he is tempted to say “I told you so”, but decides to replace it with “I informed you thusly”. There is a humor element to the scene, but his friends aren’t amused.
Not just in a TV series, but in real life too, nobody likes to hear “I told you so”.
Yet, we all continue to behave like Sheldon; never missing an opportunity to point out how someone is wrong. It is a validation of our superiority and there is no way we are letting a chance to massage our ego slide.
But, our ego gets amplified to such an extent, we forget the hypocrisy we are harboring. We all have ignored suggestions and sometimes have even paid dearly for them. So, what qualifies us to tell someone they shouldn’t make decisions on their own and should listen to us?
Big deal if they are wrong, and end up crashing and burning. Sometimes, people need to commit mistakes and more importantly, live with its consequences to be able to refine their thinking process. But that doesn’t mean it should stop you from offering help.
If you notice yourself controlling the urge to say “I told you so” and help someone despite them not heeding your advice in the first place, you have unlocked one of the key factors that build a good relationship- respecting individuality.
They may not have taken your advice because it probably didn’t align with their thinking or problem-solving model. It is possible that they couldn’t see the strategic direction you may have had when you offered the advice.
But, when you are willing to help someone or maybe even just be a sounding board after they messed up, you are showing that you still respect them for the individual they are, and it is quite possible, solely because of this, they will be ready to accommodate your suggestions in the future.
Sheldon was rewarded an exorbitant amount of money by the producers of the show for being a jerk, but in real life, you will only be left with broken pieces of a relationship if you behave like Sheldon.
