I used to hate my life. Here’s how I changed it.
I was a loner who would rather stay home playing videogames than experiencing the world first-hand and cultivating a social life.
I wasn’t seeing progress toward my goals, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t motivated, I wasn’t productive, and I didn’t have any lasting achievements in life.
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I stopped caring, because what’s the point?
I felt hopeless.
Everything I wanted was out of reach: girls were out of reach, a respectable job was out of reach. I felt I couldn’t be changed because I was too broken, too far gone. I felt ashamed of my life.
Then one day, I decided to take a walk. I didn’t know why, I just figured it would be good. My mom always reminded me to get some fresh air.
“Just one lap around the park,” I told myself.
Ten steps into the path, I fell deep in thought. I paid attention to the nature around me, looked up at the sky, noticed a squirrel, and felt how big the world is. It’s crazy how staying in a small room keeps your thinking small. Being under the clouds gave me some of those good brain chemicals and helped me to see life in the bigger picture.
On that walk, I realized that while I felt stuck, life is beautiful. Despite feeling depressed, if someone were to give me the choice of dying that day, I wouldn’t take it. I wanted to live. One part of me still said I’m hopeless, but another part of me said I need to make this one life worth it, to do it for myself because I don’t want to die missing out of what I was experiencing at the park.
The next thing I knew, I had completed three laps. I felt more energized than I had in a very long time and I decided to go on more walks every week. And I felt a little proud of that.
From that improved mental state, I wanted to care for my physical health too. I started eating better. I weaned myself off the ramen and bought more food that I actually needed to cook. I’m not a fan of how long it takes to cook something, so I usually cook a whole batch to cover multiple meals. I used to despise myself for my diet, because I knew better than to live on junk. That feeling of shame pushed me to make the change.
I bought myself a paint-by-number kit to engage my creative brain. Figured I would try to do something other than video-games every night. I now have a growing collection of paintings on my wall. I’m pretty proud of them.
Today I feel like a different man. I’m more positive and have more hope in life. I hit the gym 4–5x a week. I meet up with my friends either in person or online about 2x a week. I’m working hard at my job to pay the bills and building a side hustle in the evenings. I still go on walks and meditate in nature. I feel a lot more productive, healthier, and happier.
I learned that my increased happiness isn’t in hitting certain metrics of productivity, but in seeing progress. It’s progress that makes us happy.
There’s still a long way to go to the life I envision, but at least for the present I’m using my time well. (Still find time to play video-games)
While there are dull days and moments where I lack motivation and doubt myself, I feel I’m on a good course. And that’s what matters. There are highs and lows, but if you zoom out, you should see an uphill trend.
Wanted to share my story to encourage you that things can change :)
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