I Wish Someone Had Told Me This About the 20s…
8 realities of the 20s that I’ve grown to learn
The 20s are arguably the most challenging decade of life.
I’m sure people reading this in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, are saying, “Haha, wait till you get where we are!”
So, let me rephrase it.
The 20s are the most dynamic and defining decade of adulthood.
Here’s why…
- We exit the linear world where most things move according to plan.
- We make life-altering decisions about our careers and personal relationships.
- We’re exposed to and must wade through the many possibilities of the 21st century.
When I was a child, I assumed my 20s would be a childhood fantasy.
I dreamt of it as the first time I’d be able to make decisions without parental consent, the first time I’d be able to travel the world on my own, the first time I’d have my own money to spend, the first time my friends and I could pack our bags and tick off all those plans we’d made as kids.
The first two years of my 20s were quick enough to give me a reality check.
Freedom felt great, but decisions were harder. I made my own money but quickly realized it’s essential to save. Paths with friends started diverging as each set their own priorities. It’s not as extreme as it sounds. I enjoy navigating the many ups and downs of my 20s, doing everything I want to. But it certainly isn’t as rosy or carefree as I had thought as a kid.
As children, we’re protected. We live in a bubble. So when the 20s bring waves of uncertainty, we’re not prepared to ride them. But you can’t learn to surf without being in the ocean, right? I guess no preparation is enough until you have to deal with adult life yourself.
Here are some lessons I’ve learned in my 20s:
You lose and gain friends
This happens at other times in life, too, but somehow, in the 20s, it hits harder.
City changes, country changes, priority changes, marriages or work, friends will move away. It’s tough to maintain the same degree of closeness. The same holds true with gaining friends. Some old friends become closer, new friends make their way in through work, social activities, and shared priorities.
Making friends as you age is trickier because you have to create opportunities for consistent interactions, unlike in school and college. Keeping old friends close to the extent possible is important so there are constants through the changes.
Be kind to your pre-25-year-old self
Your prefrontal cortex develops from adolescence until you’re 25.
This is the part of the brain that responds to situations rationally with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. So, you can think more rationally and emotionally after your mid-twenties. This leads to better decisions for your future self.
Be kind to your younger self; you’re brain wasn’t completely developed. When I learned about this, I realized how logical it is but how unaware most people are of it.
You will lose your way, but find yourself.
The 20s come with many challenges that you have to maneuver yourself.
Some decisions will affect only you. You will lose your way and do the wrong things. You’ll question your worth and capabilities. But the best part is you learn what you like and don’t like through the various experiences.
Uncovering this yourself is a satisfying journey if you’re up for it. And this pretty much sets the template for the rest of the decades.
You’re going to fail, and you should
I have learned this the hard way after failing many times.
You’re not going to know a lot, you’re going to feel small at times, and you’re going to get things completely wrong in all aspects of life. The failures teach you the most.
It’s cliché because it’s true. But we still worry about failure because we’re not taught it’s okay to fail.
Save money!
Earning money is one of the most empowering feelings in the world. Spending it feels even more empowering.
You don’t have to ask; you just have and can. But saving money is a discipline that teaches you much more than being secure for a dry spell.
It teaches you that the true value of anything in life comes from compounding, and instant gratification isn’t worth chasing in the long run.
The only people who genuinely care about you are those you consider family.
Randomness is less when you’re a child. If you’ve had a secure childhood, it seems like most things work in your favor. Randomness increases as you open yourself to the possibilities of the adult world. The bubble pops.
Life isn’t fair. Nobody owes you anything, not even a short call, a meeting, or a glass of water. You’ve got to push through for anything you want. Find the people you consider family because only they’ll have your back.
Don’t fear being in the driver’s seat because of ‘destiny’
I’ve often made the mistake of leaving things up to destiny and not acting upon them out of fear of being responsible for my own actions. Sometimes, I still do.
I’ve learned that unless I drive, I won’t know whether the road is blocked or clear. My job is to continue driving. It’s taken me a long time to get comfortable with this because of the fear of the outcome.
Set your own pace of growth
The 20s go by in a flash because they’re dynamic and you spend a lot of time trying to grasp being an adult. The one thing I’ve heard most people past their 20s say is that they regret not pursuing certain things they were capable of before they had additional responsibilities.
I don’t think it’s ever too late to start anything, but setting a pace you’re comfortable growing at and pursuing your goals, is important before life does it for you. Most peers are in different phases of life and will grow at different paces. So it’s important to run the race for yourself.
I’ve come to realize that, like most other things in life, adulting is a skill you get better at the more you practice living the way you want. I don’t think it gets easier, but you get better at surfing the waves. Humans focus on passing down wealth and theoretical knowledge instead of skills and practical knowledge. While it’s certainly exciting to surf the 20s on your own, it’s always nice to have some expectation of what you’re getting into beforehand.
