I’d Love to Remove My Head
Migraines are more than just a headache — this is how you can help your loved ones
Do you know who I envy? The people that go through life without needing to worry about getting a headache or migraine.
Some have never even experienced one (or even both!) of these pains and have a difficult time trying to imagine the agony these episodes can put certain people through.
I wish I struggled to understand this type of pain — instead, I was “blessed” with inheriting both headaches and migraines, with the latter feeling like one of the worst punishments ever inflicted on mankind.
What I always found interesting was how a migraine attack is often described as a headache with severe throbbing pain, usually focused on one side of the head.
It is so much more than that — and by understanding it, we can better help our loved ones that are subject to enduring this condition.
The Aura: A Warning For What’s To Come
Before the fully-fledged migraine attack begins, many people experience an aura that can often be interpreted as a visual or physical disturbance (such as seeing flashes of light, vision loss, weakness/numbness in the face or in one side of the body, etc.)
Despite these symptoms being unpleasant, it’s what the aura signals that is most disturbing: the beginning of an attack. One that can last for up to 72 hours if not treated. One that will only get worse as the clock keeps ticking.
In my case, the right side of my neck stiffens up and goes numb. The initial discomfort is strong enough to keep me from remaining focused on any given task for longer than 30 seconds, but weak enough to not be able to use it as an excuse to mentally “check out” of the world.
This alone is enough to wreak havoc on my day, as I know it is only a matter of hours before it gets worse and the migraine attack goes into full swing.
If you know someone experiencing similar struggles, this is what you can do to help:
If a loved one is experiencing an aura, you can support them by taking any major task(s) off of their plate for the remainder of the day.
They are aware that these symptoms will only get worse. If they have a lot of work to do in the next few hours, the oncoming migraine is the absolute worst news they could have gotten.
By knowing that they can rely on you to handle certain things when their migraine attack intensifies, a lot of the pressure is removed (which in certain cases could potentially help reduce the severity of the attack itself, as stress is one of the many factors behind migraine attacks).
The Attack
Sooner or later, the traditional migraine symptoms will begin. These will often include (but are definitely not limited to):
- Pain on one side of the head (or, in certain cases, both sides)
- Throbbing/pulsing pain
- Sensitivity to light
- Nausea/Vomiting
By this point, the only thing that the person experiencing the attack can think about is the pain.
Everything else loses its importance, and the desperation to alleviate the suffering sets in.
I have had nights when the throbbing pain was so strong that it would wake me up at 5am and I would be lying in bed, not knowing what to do with myself.
Sometimes the prescription medication doesn’t immediately kick in. Sometimes the meds are not enough. In those moments, the helplessness and the pain are simply unbearable.
The solutions we migraine warriors come up with in these moments can be quite creative — I remember one night being woken up by a migraine, dragging myself to the freezer, and grabbing the coldest item I could find.
In this case, it was a bottle of vodka.
I proceeded to fall asleep on top of it and woke up in the morning cradling the bottle. I can only imagine what this scene would have looked like to an outsider.
If you know someone experiencing similar struggles, this is what you can do to help:
Unless you somehow develop magical powers that can take away another person’s migraine, there is very little you can do in cases like these.
The basics involve enabling your loved one to have a dark, quiet room to rest in until this whole ordeal passes. If massaging their head helps them, you can do that too.
However, before attempting to do anything that you believe could help, please ask them beforehand. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another, and your loved one will know better than anyone else what has the potential to help decrease the severity of their pain.
I cannot stress this enough, but whatever you do, steer clear of making any loud noises or abrupt movements. There is nothing worse for a person going through a migraine attack than having one of their senses be taken by surprise.
The Aftermath
Once the attack subsides, the “post-drome” period starts, which has symptoms that also vary from person to person. For me, it often resembles the feeling of being hungover; at the same time, it’s also not uncommon for people to experience feeling drained, confused, or elated.
Sudden head movements can temporarily bring the pain back, although it subsides rather quickly (in most cases).
This period can last for hours, and even though the migraine itself has passed, we are nowhere near being out of the woods yet.
Additionally, because the attack itself forced us to bed, it’s very difficult to get ourselves to sleep during the aftermath as we are simply not tired.
Eating is also difficult, and processed foods should absolutely be avoided in the hours following the migraine, with dairy products also not being recommended.
In my case, when I’m finally able to get myself to eat, I stick to simple foods like bread and butter or fruits, and although I absolutely do not enjoy the process of eating during this period, I do feel my strength slowly start to come back shortly thereafter.
If you know someone experiencing similar struggles, this is what you can do to help:
The most important thing to keep in mind after your loved one has had a migraine attack is that they are not yet feeling great and need some more time to get their strength back.
One of the best things you can do is let them be while they try to find their footing. You can also help them by asking whether there is anything they would be able to keep down food-wise and prepare it for them.
Loud noises are still uncomfortable, so being gentle during this period is highly advisable.
All in all, migraines are awful — and while no one can make them disappear, there are things you can do to help the people in your life suffering from this dreadful ailment.
Hopefully, by doing so you can get back to enjoying your time together — and I can guarantee you that when the pain subsides, your migraine-suffering loved ones will be incredibly grateful to have such a supportive and understanding person in their lives.
