If only …
“If” and “only” — two words that we use in our daily lives. Separated, they mean nothing, but together, “if only” is a phrase that has destroyed and killed more souls in the world than all wars combined. If only I had worked harder, if only I had responded like this, if only I did, if only I tried — if only, if only, if only. A million thoughts torment us.
The infinite possibilities that regret and guilt bring come and go as if they were always there, waiting for the right moment to surface. I read somewhere about a study done at a hospital on 100 elderly people facing death, close to their last breath. They were asked about their biggest life regret. Nearly all of them said they regretted not the things they did, but the things they didn’t do, the dreams they didn’t pursue. It makes me feel that it’s never death that is scary but the idea of never being alive in the first place.
When the “if only” question comes, we tell ourselves the advice we usually hear: focus on your present and forget your past; you need to move on and free yourself. Focusing on what you can change is easy, but fully committing to the process is another story. Can we really reflect on ourselves and respect who we are? It’s at this moment that the term “responsibility” appears before me. With every decision we make, we need to understand that there is responsibility on our shoulders. Whether the outcome is good or bad, we need to be aware that whatever we do will come full circle and return to us. So how do we face this “if only” that we lead on? The answer is acceptance.
Acceptance comes from understanding. Understanding ourselves and our surroundings. Knowing what is done, what can change, and what we just need to live with. But is it really possible for us to win against ourselves, against time?
Time is the most precious and complex gift we humans ever get. How we use it is up to us, but how we feel and our perspective on time differs from each other. Like in the famous quote: “If you want to know the value of one year, just ask a student who failed a course. If you want to know the value of one month, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. If you want to know the value of one hour, ask the lovers waiting to meet. If you want to know the value of one minute, ask the person who just missed the bus. If you want to know the value of one second, ask the person who just escaped death in a car accident. And if you want to know the value of one-hundredth of a second, ask the athlete who won a silver medal in the Olympics.” ― Marc Levy
So, our take on time is different, but the feeling is the same. What matters to me may not matter to you, but it matters after all. The “if only” questions aren’t as bad as they are described. Sometimes it means you have a good heart and a conscience. You step back and reflect on your actions. You just need to not be hard on yourself and learn to forgive, not forget, because it’s good to remember. It helps you learn and be a better version of yourself.
So there, reader, tell me, do the “if only” phrases torment you too? And how do you deal with them?
