I’m Afraid Of Being A Failure

I know you are as well.

Deep down, we all are. I am not sure if it’s because of the expectations our parents have put on us, but I’m sure it has played a role in our fear.

I’ve made a decision most don’t. I quit my 9–5 without a stable income. Thankfully, I have my parents' roof to sleep under. They’re my “emergency fund”.

Unfortunately, because of my financial vulnerability, they’re also my lender.

The Bible says that the one who gives will always own the one of receives. In many ways, that’s how I feel about my current situation.

I am fortunate enough to have a roof over my head, even if it’s not my own roof. But that doesn’t make the constant expectations any easier to bare.

I’m a borrower. I am borrowing my parent’s roof. And as such, I will always be their slave.

They’re not bad hosts, I admit. They’re my parents, after all. But I listen to what they say, and what they say isn’t always what I wanna hear.

Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I should go back to a 9–5 and live an ordinary life. I can’t fail if I am just like the others, right? I guess it’s a status game parents play. Who can raise the most secure kid?

It’s love on their part, I know it. But it often feels like a bear hug. It holds me down because I’m scared of disappointing them. They don’t deserve to be disappointed. They did everything they could. It’s all on me now.