I’m Afraid of Dying but Not for the Reason You Think
It’s probably the strangest reason you’ll ever hear
One of my favorite TV shows is Wynona Earp. Like most movies and series, I started watching it because it had lesbians. Yeah, I’m a simple woman. But of course, what got me hooked on the show was its amazing storyline, sensational characters, and Oscar-worthy acting.
If you’ve never watched Wynona Earp, it’s about Wynona (obviously), the great-great-granddaughter of the legendary lawman, Wyatt Earp. On Wynona’s 27th birthday, she inherits the special power to send revenants back to hell using a family magic gun (the Peacemaker). Not only must she banish the demons back to hell, but she and her sister, Waverly, must do everything they can to break the family curse resurrecting the revenants.
The powerful storytelling will surely keep you on the edge of your seat as it did to me. I binged all two seasons within days. Yet I was hungry for more. Luckily, the third season had just been released. That was in 2018.
The finale ended on a cliffhanger so it was pretty obvious that there would be a fourth season. How long that would be, no one knew yet. So I decided to forget about it. There was no use worrying about something I had no control over, right?
Right.
In 2020, the much-anticipated announcement came out. Wynona Earp had been renewed for another season. You should have seen me that day. I had no business bringing god into this, but I did. It seemed all my nonexistent prayers had been answered. Finally, I could live vicariously through my favorite characters again.
I was more than ready to start watching the show when the second part of the announcement knocked the wind right out of my lungs. In my excitement, I had not read the entire news.
The fourth season would be released in 2021. A whole year later.
WHAT. THE. HELL.
A thousand emotions drowned me. But the most dreadful of these emotions was the deep sense of fear that gnawed at my soul. My mind spiraled into the depths of hell, as I imagined all kinds of reality-bending scenarios of death.
Death? What has that got to do with a TV show, you may ask?
Everything.
“What if I die before it comes out?” This was the single thing my mind dwelled on. “What if I don’t make it next year?”
It sounds crazy but I was dead serious about this. As ridiculous as it might be, this is a real fear of mine. I have a tendency of fearing the worst whenever a show I love so much announces its future release date.
I experienced the same dread when the second season of the anime, Demon Slayer was announced.
I was so enthralled by the gorgeous art style and amazing storyline of season one that I had a full-on panic attack thinking I might die before season two came out. I kid you not.
Honestly, I don’t know why I feel this way. I mean, there’s plenty to fear about dying. Like dying in regret because you didn’t live the life of your dreams. Or having a very painful death, you know, like being burned alive or fed to piranhas. Yes, these are all things that scare me. But none of them have given me as much anxiety as dying before my favorite show is released.
I thought there was something wrong with me and that I was being dramatic as hell. Why was something so trivial giving me sleepless nights?
I found, to my shock, that my brother felt this way too. We’re very close so we often have discussions on various topics, especially movies and TV shows. He’s a huge Marvel fan.
Somewhere in 2022, while we were having a ‘civil conversation’ about the difference between Marvel and DC, he said that there were so many Marvel projects coming out in 2023 and 2024. Then in all seriousness, he added, “I want to watch everything. But sometimes I’m afraid I’ll die before that happens.”
“Aoo,” I shouted, “I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I don’t want to die before Black Panther 2 comes out.”
Thankfully, this only happens to TV shows I am highly invested in. But even then, I think I’ve done a pretty good job of banishing this strange feeling from my life. Or at least, that’s what I thought until I saw a tweet at the beginning of 2023 that almost gave me a heart attack.
Apparently, Avatar Studios is working on the next avatar after Aang and Korra. And it will be released on Paramount in… 2025.
The news came at me like a knife to my chest. Why was the universe doing this to me? 2025?
Nothing reminds me of my impending mortality faster than the future release date of a series or movie.
At this point, I hope I live long enough to see the end of Hunter x Hunter. The suspense is killing me. Not literally, of course.
Fun fact: My novel, Vanquisher: Awakening, was inspired by Wynona Earp and Demon Slayer.
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