I’m fat. I wish Taylor Swift had kept her “fat” scale scene in “Anti-Hero”
This scene isn’t “fatphobia.”
I have body dysmorphia and have had two eating disorders (at different times in my life — one that I’m still struggling with now). At one point, I only ate 600 calories a day. Sometimes less. I also ran 6 miles a day, had a personal trainer 3 times a week to weight train, and did 2 hours of high-intensity martial arts four times a week. Then I’d come home and walk my dog an additional 3 miles every night and then on weekends, she and I would hike eight to ten miles. I popped diet pills four to six at a time because they started to lose their effect and I needed the energy. That was probably equivalent to about 10 or so shots of espresso per day.
And still, I felt like I was the fattest person in the room, always.
I was dropping weight at a pound to a pound and a half every day, and on days when I didn’t drop that weight, I’d be angry with myself and eat even less the next day. I dropped 4 dress sizes in 2 months.
My ex didn’t help either, because even as I was disappearing right before his eyes, he still made me feel like I was the biggest woman he’d ever been with. My disappearing act wasn’t enough, even as I cut down to eating just one banana and one sushi roll a day (and feeling horrible…
