I'm So 312, And You're Not!

What area codes tell us about ourselves

This map is the first plan for a nationwide area code scheme designed by The Bell System (formerly the Bell Telephone Company). They created 86 area codes partly based on population. Did Iowa really have enough people to start with three area codes? (Source: lincmad.com)

I can't afford most status symbols. Any more, that is.

I mean, I was never a big-label guy. If my clothing had a label or logo on it at all, it was small, like the one on Jordache jeans. I find being able to read A/X on a guy's shirt a mile away is not flattering. Of course, he's probably wearing gold chains too.

Most of my hard-earned disposable income was spent on good clothing. Not top-of-the-line. But good enough to wear to work and get into clubs. If people asked "who I was wearing," I would have been horrified to say a store brand or one of those brands at Target endorsed by a fading star in an attempt to upgrade the store's image.

I wasn't born into wealth, but it came my way when my mom divorced my father and married a new man when I was two. We lived in a small city in west-central Texas, and my new stepdad owned an oil company with his father. I don't think real dads had to pay child support back then; so much of my welfare was put on my stepfather, bless his heart.

My mom was a part-time model and quick to learn about brands in clothing and all areas of consumer products. So instead of shopping for clothes in Abilene, we'd make the occasional run to Dallas, where she'd drop cash at the tony Neiman Marcus and Sanger-Harris department stores…