Imposter Syndrome
A common affliction for high achieving anxious people.
I have struggled with anxiety for majority of my life. My mother likes to tell me that I was always a worrying child, from the impending end of the world to if sinister secret societies were actually real. That was my head space in grade school and looking back at it as a young adult I sometimes scoff at how silly it all seems now.
These deep feelings of anxiety and dread didn’t leave as I thought they would. No, I don’t hamper on all the worries of the world on my little head anymore. I realized a long time ago that there are many thing that I simply cannot control and sometimes you have to just let sleeping dogs lie. However, in a cruel twist of fate these feeling of anxiety turned inward on to myself. With adolescence being the catalyst, and high school being the test tube, suffering from social anxiety was my normal condition and masking it with being loud and friendly was my medication of choice. It felt like I was being haunted by my own mind, every glance or side glance felt as if a personal attack. What were they saying about me? Does anyone even like me? My friends are probably just acting like they like me, who would want to hang out with me?
All these thoughts began to slowly reaffirm what a dark, deep, almost demonic voice has always been whispering in my ear…
