Improve Your Attitude by Taking 5 Minutes to Recognize the Good Stuff in Your Life
I often get down on myself. I can go from having a great day to having a bad three weeks overnight. There are several skills that I use to turn myself around and start feeling good again, but when I’m feeling down those skills seem to be hidden away in a drawer (or under my pile of dirty clothes that I haven’t washed because I’m feeling lousy). Remembering to use the skills is the tough part, so I leave myself notes in various places to help me remember. I have notes on my bedroom mirror, on “Stickies” on my computer, and Post-Its in my car.
One of my go-to skills to pull me out of the doldrums is Taking 5 Minutes to Recognize The Good Stuff in My Life. Here’s how it works.
I ask myself questions in three different categories. The categories are:
- What are things, people, and places I adore right now?
- What’s one thing that’s going well right now?
- What are three things I’m looking forward to right now?
Before we explore how this works in more detail, I want to focus on the last two words in each question. Right now is critical, because if I think of the past my mind will go into regret mode, and if I think of the future, my mind will throw out every obstacle it can to keep me from focusing on the good.
I don’t begrudge my mind for doing this. It’s doing its best to protect me from making mistakes or getting hurt. I just say “Thanks, Mind, for trying to help me out here, but I really want to focus on just this moment for now. I’ll be fine — I promise.”
Specifics of the Practice
- What are things, people, and places I adore right now?
If I’m feeling particularly lonely or cut off from people or life in general, this can be difficult to answer, but it is critical for pulling out of myself and seeing beyond my present problems. If loneliness is the issue and thoughts of people I love and miss make me feel more lonely, I’ll put the thoughts of people I adore aside for a moment, and think of things or places I adore.
Here’s how my mind might process this:
OK, what do I adore? I adore sunshine. Man, I wish it was sunny outside. Don’t wish, just name and appreciate it. OK, I adore sunshine. I love the way light streams in and brightens the room. I adore having to put sunglasses on to see clearly. I adore the way sunshine warms my car on a cold day even before I turn on the heat.
I’m feeling a little better already. What else do I adore?
I adore dogs. The one I saw with the woman at Home Depot today was so well-behaved. I adore how devoted and forgiving dogs are.
Anything else come to mind?
I adore my former students who stay in touch with me. When they ask me for a reference or just send me a message to say hi or ask for advice, I feel warm all over.
These are just a couple of ideas. You may want to start with a spouse or significant other or a favorite vacation place. The point is to think of things, people, and places that bring you joy. When we think of things that bring us joy, sadness has to move out to make room for joy.
2. What’s one thing that’s going well right now?
The purpose of this question is to balance negative thinking. When we’re depressed, it seems that everything is bad and nothing is good. The truth is that there are good things in our lives. They’re just hard to see. Asking the question brings them into the light.
Here’s how I might think about it…..
What’s going right? OK, I’ll start small. The electricity is on. No wild animals are threatening to eat me right now. What else? I’m actually writing. I’m not just thinking about writing or wishing I would have written something. I’m actually writing. That’s going well.
What’s going well doesn’t have to be some amazing thing in your life. It just has to be something that allows you to see that not everything is terrible. A lot of us with depression and anxiety catastrophize situations. That is, we think of how things are not only terrible but that they’re about the worst they can get. A classic example is Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh’s donkey friend. Eeyore always sees the worst. We can be like Eeyore but that drags us down. Thinking of some things that are going well helps us to see the truth — Some things may be crappy right now, AND some things are going well. We can choose at least for this one moment in time to focus on what’s going well. When we can do this Eeyore can make room for Winnie the Pooh to sit down next to him. Eeyore is no longer alone and can see what’s good. We can too.
3. What are three things I’m looking forward to right now?
Of the three questions, this is the one that can help me sustain good feelings longer than the others. This is true because this one starts in this moment and moves me into the future with positive thoughts and feelings. In other words, it gives me momentum. Momentum moves me forward, and moving forward helps me see life as worth living.
Here’s how this one question works for me….
What are three things that I’m looking forward to right now? I’m looking forward to going to Brazil to see Gi and Rafa get married. (Gi was our exchange student that lived with us for the 2010–2011 school year.) I get to get away to see people I love and I even get to go on vacation with them to Rio de Janerio and go scuba diving with Rafa. It’s only four weeks away now! I better start packing!
I try to think of things I’m looking forward to in the short term and the long term. Tomorrow, I get to go hang out with my brother. We may even go out to eat together. This gives me hope, and hope pushes out darkness to let me live my life.
Long term, I’m planning my next adventure in life — converting a cargo van into a camper van and traveling across the continent to see old friends and make new ones. This keeps me busy now in the dreaming and planning stage and keeps me moving toward a future goal.
This is only one of many tools I use to bring me back from depression. It’s a powerful one because it’s based on mindfulness and gets me thinking of what I have and what I love instead of what I dread. It gets me running towards life instead of running away from life.
I hope it works for you too! Please let me know by commenting whether this is helpful for you. Stay tuned for more posts on living life to the fullest.
