ILLUMINATION
Published in

ILLUMINATION

In A World Of Fear And Vulnerability

Into Graphics; Pixabay

I don’t always place my vulnerabilities and fears at the tip of my thought process. Like most others, those topics are ones which I naturally would prefer to just avoid, and block them all together. While that’s not the best way to deal with it, it certainly seems to be the way my subconscious was born to work.

I figured this represents a natural process that most are probably born with. I have learned along the way that I have become able to learn that some of this can be grasped and rearranged out of its normally negative foundation.

However, as with most other things, acceptance has to become the practice, and the understanding at hand for me. Often times, I have found that when I look back at my different struggles throughout my life, most of them were definitely more extreme before the days of managing acceptance. So, it is that acceptance that helps me process fears and vulnerability that I can be stuck with in my day to day life.

So,where do I go from there? How do I remain mentally healthy, and morally right, when these things are still remaining present in my life? As already mentioned, acceptance is a strong tool for me, and it has greatly helped me manage those feelings of being vulnerable and full of fear. It has opened the gates for coping with those tough feelings.

The Digital Artist; Pixabay

Being ready to tolerate the unknown is something I work on. Always being ready for the worst, even when that worst is very rare. It makes the process easier in tolerating whatever comes my way. My fears and the things that make me vulnerable can really blind me, and spotlight my weaknesses, making whats weak, seem to gain negative power. Making me even more vulnerable than usual.

Seeking evidence to support my thoughts and assumptions is a key factor in finding out whether my worries and fears are validated. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy, and my worries can become rather exaggerated. Trying to find logical reasoning is the main goal of my journey. Doing a personal inventory on a regular basis is the best thing I can do to keep myself steady.

The act of coping with my vulnerability is a complex process and it can be quite fragile in how it’s done. Of course, there are the toxic and dark ways that I have traveled. The years of my major addictions to drugs like heroin, and cocaine. I fell into that behaviour, as a way of masking my own fears of life. In turn that gave birth to a major vulnerability to everything under the sun.

BedexpStock; Pixabay

All my fears, worries, and extreme mental health issues became advertisements to the world as to who I appeared to be. Even if it wasn’t accurate, it still was a reflection of the person I seemed to be. It was easy for people to believe. Even though it was very far from the truth. I had to learn how to to utilize my vulnerabilities to my advantage.

Once I found sobriety, I began to learn the true lessons of vulnerability. I was shown to realize that holding it on my sleeve was not necessarily a bad thing. It started to teach me that shame, did not have to be connected to being vulnerable.

Important lessons started to manifest.

I learned to not hold back a fragile soul, and realized the difference between the types of people that could be trusted with the fears and vulnerabilities I lived with.

This isn’t about showing pride in my misfortunes. It really is a philosophy which puts me face to face with things that I usually was always very ashamed of. I may not want to share my very very deep and inner most thoughts to the entire world. But, I also want to live in a way that isn’t a constant lie or cover up, of my worst pain. I don’t want to live in a way that makes me feel like a prisoner in jail.

geralt; pixabay

Sharing the story of the pain I’ve gotten through is okay to do. It’s showing that vulnerability to the world, as well as the fear. All done in a way to motivate or give hope out there to that one person, still sick and suffering.

Don’t be afraid to show the world who you really are. Because that doesn’t mean you are risking yourself, or advertising the fears you’d rather keep private. Learning to cope with the things we’re afraid of, and the things that make us vulnerable, are actually strength building practices, that can solidify our own comfort with who we are, in our own skin.

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Michael Patanella

is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics. His articles, publications, memoirs, and stories are geared towards being a voice for the voiceless. Hoping to reach others out there still struggling.

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Michael Patanella

Michael Patanella

Author, Publisher, and Editor. I cover mindfulness, mental health, addiction, sobriety, life, and spirituality among other things. MichaelPatanella.medium.com

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