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Is There a Link Between Fear And Love?

Genuine love cannot coexist with fear…

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

Alright, I think the time has come to clarify a topic I’m frequently talking about without getting a chance to explore it in detail.

So, the topic is:

Fear and love cannot coexist in the same place, exactly like Day and Night.

This statement could be a bit confusing. I understand. You might think, “That’s bullshit, Myriam! I love my mother, AND I’m afraid of taking an airplane. I love my furry kid, AND I’m afraid of being in an elevator. I love my car, AND I’m afraid of swimming, and the list goes on!

Well, your thought would be completely understandable. Let me try to make myself clear through some samples.

Relationship with parents

If we are afraid of our parents, do we love them? Probably not. What are we feeling then toward them? Attachment. We are attached to:

  • Their presence in our life.
  • The attention & affection they could give.
  • Belonging to a family through them.
  • The idea of making them proud of us.
  • Their support and having our back in times of crisis.

Does this mean we can be in a situation where we don’t feel anything toward our parents? Absolutely, and this isn’t even the worst-case scenario.

When can we be completely emotionless? In case they are not providing anything to which we can be attached but without hurting us at the same time.

Relationship with religions

When we are afraid of God’s punishment, do you think we could also be loving our Lord? I would be reluctant to the idea. So what is the nature of the feeling?

Again, attachment! 👏 We are attached to:

  • God’s help. What the divinity is willing to put on the table.
  • Being recognized as a religious person — sometimes wrongly associated with being a good one.
  • Belonging to the religious community.
  • Being ultimately rewarded for having been obedient.

Any shared pattern?

Let me help you: The unhealthy ego, the manifestation of our disconnection from the Principles Center — also known as the inner constitution/compass, which was merely numbed by the lifetime conditioning.

Fear exists when we are not yet fully loving ourselves.

The unhealthy ego is the enemy of self-love. Think of it as a horizontal line where you have the unhealthy ego on the left and the self-love on the right.

People who are on the extreme left side are the most f*cked up, the most dangerous disturbed individuals, the ones who are disconnected from their conscience.

The ones who are on the extreme right side are divine (not sure whether someone has already reached this level, but I keep hoping 😁). In between, we will find people closer to darkness — sick ego, and others to brightness — self-love / healthy ego.

The subconscious program and the hostility of your life experiences determine your position in the spectrum. Imagine a needle now. The more you become self-aware, show bravery, work on re-writing your distorted subconscious program, the more this needle moves from the left to the right.

The direct outcome of such a transformational adventure is gradually reconnecting with your core part, killing your insecurities and shame shields you have built as an adaption to your environment and the conditional/inconsistent love you have been receiving from your caregivers.

Most importantly, you unleash genuine love first for yourself and, second, for others and the Universe! You might want to ask about how to become self-aware, and this would be a legitimate question! 😊

Let’s first start from the beginning, shall we? What is the definition of the word self-awareness?

Self-awareness is a unique human endowment that gives us the possibility to think about our very thought process. ~ Stephen Covey

Why is that so difficult to make use of this self-awareness?”, you’re asking? Because the conscious mind, which is responsible for self-awareness, is too slow compared to the subconscious part.

Let me give you an idea: The conscious mind operates at 40 bits per sec, while the subconscious speed reaches 40 MILLION bits per sec. No — your eyes are not playing tricks on you!😊

According to some serious studies, this leads to operating from your subconscious program — or what some of you are probably familiar with calling on auto-pilot mode at least 90% of your day.

And, this is not even the only constraint; can you believe it? “That sucks!” was what I told myself when discovering it as well! The second constraint is how both minds are learning: While the conscious mind is creative, the subconscious mind is habitual.

A quick sample of this could be when we all learned the alphabet. We repeated it over and over again until we could finally memorize it! If somebody asks you now to say it, you will do it automatically without making any effort.

More to the point, you need to make the self-awareness exercise a daily habit!

Last thoughts

The more you destroy your old limiting beliefs and replace them with newly chosen algorithms fueled by the unchangeable principles, the more your fear will transform into love!

The tool you will need to use for re-writing your subconscious program is self-awareness. Given the speed difference between the conscious and subconscious minds, you might want to ask “how to overcome this constraint?

There is no One-Size-Fits-All answer to such a question. Some use meditation. Some others have a walk in nature. I was simply sitting in a calm place. It depends on who you are. Experiment!

Slowly but surely, being armed with consistency — the only way to defeat the way of learning limitation — you will develop the ability to analyze your thoughts and behaviors and how much they are aligned with the Principles in no time.

If this isn’t amazing, then I will be curious to hear about what amazes you! I’m leaving it to you to decide whether it is worth it!

With love, Myriam



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Myriam Ben Salem🦋

Myriam Ben Salem🦋

I’m an Animal Lover & Advocate, grown kid, lifelong learner, storyteller, and edutainer. I write personal stories and psychological and philosophical essays!