Is trauma both the reason for inaccessibility and the antidote to consciousness?
That which condemns me, forces me to stand upright.
The ultimate catch-22 of our life is — trauma and its inevitability to debilitate you from living your best life while also being the only possible path to healing to you living it in the best possible way.
As a child, I felt emotionally neglected like most children, especially those from the Indian culture, as I was dealt with a fierce scolding instead of a soft glove. While I would rather it be more in balance, the truth is the former dominated my memories, swallowing me the vicious cycle of
Trauma — Emotional Unavailability — Hence, more trauma and so on.
But eventually, what helped me overcome my trauma? Astonishingly — further earth-shattering trauma. A heartbreak can do that to you — if you let go of all your fears to affirm and attach yourself unhealthily to someone who represents all that your trauma brought you, which usually, over time, is safety.
Yet another paradox. Years of neglect and emotionally unavailable environments make us believe this is safety.
So, I attached myself to a man who made being emotionally unavailable — safe.
