It Took Me 40 Years To Realize What I’ll Tell You in Less Than 7 Minutes.
Some people can never be helped.
It was a normal Thursday evening — balmy, calm, and golden.
The sun was slowly sinking into the horizon, and the esplanade was alive with joggers, walkers, and readers soaking up a little sunset wisdom from their books.
My son and I were on our usual evening walk when I overheard a woman on her phone, talking way too loudly (why are some people so loud on the phone?).
She said, “Yup, it took me three years to realize that.”
Boom. That line hit me.
I immediately remembered something a wise man once said:
“Life is lived forward, but understood backward.”
And that was the spark for this piece.
I realized that in my 40+ years on this planet, I’ve learned a lot — mostly the hard way.
So here are some of the gems life has dropped on me.
1. Some People Can Never Be Helped
It sounds harsh, I know. But it’s the truth.
You could spend years trying to guide someone, advising until your throat is dry — but if they’re not ready to change, nothing you say will matter.
I learned this through someone I once called a friend. I wasted countless hours repeating the same advice, watching them do the exact opposite every single time.
The truth?
People only change when they decide to.
So say your piece once, then step back.
Invest that energy into yourself.
2. Marriage Isn’t for Everyone (Even When They Think It Is)
Some people just don’t have it in them to share, compromise, or love beyond themselves.
And that’s okay — but it’s also why so many marriages crumble.
Marriage takes work. It takes giving, forgiving, patience, and emotional maturity.
Feelings alone are not enough to sustain it. There’s so much that one needs to learn before hopping onto this train.
If you’ve ever wondered why some relationships fail despite the love, this might just be it.
3. See People for Who They Are — Not Who You Wish They Were
This one was a big awakening for me.
We waste so much time trying to turn people into who we want them to be. In the process, we frustrate ourselves and push them away.
Your job isn’t to fix or re-create anyone.
It’s to truly see them — and decide whether you can live with what you see.
4. There Are So Many Children Walking Around in Adult Bodies
Yup, I said it.
Just because someone’s grown, wears a suit, drives a car, or has kids doesn’t mean they’re mature.
The world is full of adults who never healed from childhood or simply never grew up.
And when you realize that, so many of their behaviors start to make sense.
5. 90% of Women Are Jealous of Each Other
Trust me — I’m a woman. I’ve seen it.
We envy each other’s looks, lives, relationships, jobs, and children. It’s a sad truth.
But when you find a woman who celebrates you wholeheartedly, without envy or competition — hold on tight. That kind of friendship is rare.
6. Saying “No” Is the Best Gift You Can Give Yourself
We spend far too much time saying yes to things — and people — that drain us.
Learning to say no is an act of self-respect.
It creates space for the things (and people) that bring peace, purpose, and joy.
Don’t feel guilty for protecting your energy. It’s sacred.
7. Some People Will Never Apologize — So Stop Waiting
Oh, how I waited for that apology.
I thought one day she’d realize her wrongs and say, “I’m sorry.”
She never did.
One day, I realized I’d grow old and wrinkled before that apology ever came.
So I asked God to heal my heart instead. And when I finally released her and the hurt, peace came rushing in.
Some people simply don’t have the humility to apologize.
Let them go. Free yourself.
8. Small Commitments Today Can Change Your Tomorrow
Over ten years ago, I started investing $300 a month into a money market fund. After a while, I stopped contributing. Life happened.
Four years later, I checked the account and found I had $7,500.
I used that money to buy a small piece of land. Yes, it’s possible depending on the country.
The point?
It doesn’t have to be big. Start small, stay consistent, and trust the process. Small steps compound into big wins.
9. The Best Time to Start a Business Is Today
Two years ago, I registered a business I knew nothing about. I just took the leap.
Fast forward to now — that business stands on its own feet. It even allowed me to leave my flying job and live life on my own terms.
If I’d waited to “know enough,” I’d still be waiting.
We are all creators — made in the image of a Creator.
So create something. Anything.
Start now. Learn as you go.
10. Respect Is Earned, Not Demanded
Growing up in an African household, respect was automatic. You respected your elders because… well, they were elders.
But as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that respect doesn’t come from age — it comes from character.
I want my son to respect me because of how I live, not because I demand it.
If you want respect, give it.
If you want people to honor you, honor yourself first.
The world mirrors what you project.
11. Employment Is a Kind of Slavery
Before you come at me with stones and whatnot, think about it.
What is slavery?
Anything that steals your time, freedom, or creativity. And isn't that what employment does?
While you gotta do what you gotta do, the truth is, a 9–5 will never give you freedom. But you’re not entirely stuck if you strategize.
Use your job to learn, save, and build your escape plan. Your job should be a stepping stone, not a life sentence.
12. Friendships Must Be Mutual
Some people expect you to show up for them — but they’re never there when you need them.
Friendship is a two-way street. It’s give and take, not give and give.
If you ever wonder where you stand with someone, stop calling for a while.
After 90 days of silence, you’ll have your answer.
Life is a beautiful teacher — if you’re willing to learn.
Some lessons come wrapped in laughter, others in tears.
But either way, every experience leaves you a little wiser, a little softer, and a lot stronger.
