It’s All a Matter of Perspective.
I sit in my room with a trembling heart worried about how life will turn out. Will my story be told as a tale of inspiration or will it be one of those sad examples of people who failed in life? My teary eyes are the window to a heart that has been shredded to pieces by the atrocities of life. My emotions seem non-existent, the result of the numbness one acquires after years of coping. My eyes are darkened, almost lifeless, a reflection of all those sleepless nights that were brought on by heightened emotions and racing thoughts. But as I write this desolate piece, I cannot help but smile with gratitude for the life I have lived. Weird right? Let me explain.
Humans are inherently aversive to discomfort. Our bodies are designed to reject any form of discomfort entering our system. We don’t like to be sad, anxious, overwhelmed or disturbed in any way whatsoever. But the great paradox of life is that the opportunity of growth and the path to greatness goes through the bad neighborhood of discomfort. You cannot grow as person and attain your maximum potential without facing some sort of discomfort.
Now, ironic as this is, it still doesn’t change the fact that we fundamentally hate discomfort. We cannot change our biological wiring, can we? This is where a more deeply embedded, much more fundamentally innate biological trait of humans comes in: survival. The human being would do anything to survive. In fact, even our aversion to discomfort can be attributed to survival. The dilemma caused by this antipathy for discomfort, the necessity of indulging in it for growth and the need for survival gives birth to the fascinating and complex coping mechanisms that we humans develop. To put it in simple terms, you don’t like to be uncomfortable, but you have to be uncomfortable to be a better version of yourself. Once you become uncomfortable your body’s need to survive tells your mind to come up with a mechanism to cope with this discomfort.
This realization and the complexity it caused pushed me to search for one single, but simple, idea that would be a solution to this dilemma. And I found it. It’s all a matter of perspective.
Stoicism is a philosophical school of thought aimed at cultivating inner strength, resilience and wisdom in the face of life’s challenges. One of the fundamental tenets of stoicism are to focus on and develop things under your control i.e., thoughts, behaviors and attitudes. We cannot control how we feel, but we can develop a more positive and courageous perspective by controlling our thoughts and behaviors. This perspective, in turn, molds our feelings into those which give us strength and motivation rather than making us depressed or anxious.
With this knowledge in mind, I set out on a mission to always extract something positive and empowering from even the most uncomfortable state of mind. Facing depression? No problem. It allows me to understand the pain of others, be more empathetic. Overthinking? So what? It allows me to be ready for situations many people may not expect to face. Feeling lonely? That’s all right. It pushes me to be more self-reliant. Overwhelmed with life? Good! Otherwise, I won’t take life seriously and end up wasting it. Feeling like a failure? Terrific! Now I have nothing to lose and can approach life with much more courage and bravado.
You get what I’m saying, right?
Now the important thing to remember here is that this is a coping mechanism. You only want to use this to fight the negativity or the discomfort you face. This doesn’t mean in any way that you neglect your feelings altogether and go into denial. Rather, you have to maintain this intricate balance between acknowledging your feelings and not letting them overpower you. The goal here is to not be bogged down by the difficulties of life and attain a level of resilience, courage and wisdom in your personality that is extraordinary. The goal is to be that steadfast oak tree that refuses to budge when life wants to knock it down.
Life is tough. But you are tougher. Your need to survive generates a power within you that can be used to defeat any challenge. You just need to find and tap into that power source. You can take control of your life rather than letting it take control of you.
Remember, It’s all a matter of perspective.
