It’s all a trap.
Some things that no one tells you …
Here, in India, we’ve been taught since school:
Finish 10th grade board exams, your life will be set — You’ll only get to choose your desired stream (Science, Commerce, Arts) if you score well.
Complete 12th grade board exams, your life will be set — You’ll enter into a college, that would define you for eternity.
Secure a decent well-paying job, your life will be set — You’ll join the REAL world, your big leap into adulting.
Get married — find a life partner or we’ll find one for you (the famous arranged marriage Indian concept), AND your life will be set.
Ha! Trapped!
Once you get married, your life will never be set. And people STILL won’t stop asking questions. Or giving advice.
Even marriage is not immune from the ‘What next?’ question? Then the matter of your career-personal life balance pops up, families nudging you incessantly for the ‘good news (codeword: baby), and suddenly you find your private life getting discussed in family gatherings, with people vividly reminding you of your responsibilities to continue the family line and produce progeny.
I’ve been through ALL of it. And trust me when I say this, IT’S ALL A TRAP.
Because the question of ‘What next?’ can never be sated. People will always be armed with a plethora of advice, opinions, and questions on what you’re doing — even if you decide to have kids just to get THAT question off your back, it wouldn’t really end there — because then people will tap you and ask ‘What next?’ — this time targeting your kids —their education, hobbies, health etc. — and before you realize it, you will sublimely become a part of the legacy that perpetuates this vicious loop.
So, STOP. Just stop. Take a pause. Breathe.
Figure out what your ideals and values are. Is this what you really what, or are you just conforming to the traditional norms set by previous generations of your families/society?
What we believe in, who we are, our longings, our desires, and what makes us truly move from within — are the real questions that no one asks. So, do yourself a favor and ask yourself these questions. Spend some time, getting to know you. You are your own home — so venture inside, into every nook and corner, especially the undusted neglected ones, where cobwebs have now settled. Tread gently — it has been a while.
And you’ll have divine, mysterious energy guiding you — the whispers of your soul — and this time, you’ll listen — to your truest ally — the only allegiance you owe. Let yourself be guided by this force!
“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.
Rumi
