Confessions of a Dying Queen
I am dying, yet I am crying. My heart is filled with anguish and despair
It’s dark, cold and empty
I am shivering and frightened due to this grey cloud of doom that is slowly engulfing me
I am sinking deeper and deeper into a dark and bottomless hole that seems to be sucking the very life out of me
I look hard into this jet black hole and I am suddenly surrounded by prison cells that are overcrowded by blacks and Hispanics. I also see a woman being chased down an empty parking lot five miles from her home, scared for her life that the man behind her would lunge at her, and proceed to force himself inside of her, in the most horrific and brutal way.
The injustices I am forced to see in this unknown place that I am in, are too much for me to handle. I want to get out of this murky pit and be surrounded by light, by equality, by unity, by togetherness.
But it seems like the harder I try to think positively, the deeper I fall into this pitch dark abyss
Somewhere in the distance, as I continue to free-fall, I see a white policeman stopping every black driver for a “broken taillight” or for “licence and registration". What strikes me though, is the sight of a heavyset policeman, pressing his knee deep into a helpless man’s neck. Like Floyd, I can’t breathe.
This dark hole seems to be growing and deepening as now it is gradually swallowing me. It seems as if the more I struggle to get out, the more the air in my lungs is being sucked out of me. All I see in this darkness are nasty “isms”; Racism, sexism tribalism, classism, nepotism, religionism.
This hole is now so huge and I am helpless. I’m struggling for air. As I drown, I force myself to think this all a dream, but it sickens me to realize that it is indeed painful reality, because now I hear sad and cold whispers reminding me that I cannot escape what is already bigger than me: the hole, our society, our world.
The hole has now swallowed every bit of me. I am gasping extremely hard for oxygen and for life. Time is running out as now I feel a painful sensation in my chest. My body is going cold and my face is turning blue. As my eyes are closing, all I see is a big and nasty blur of our world.
Even as this hole is about to take my life away, I can see a woman being ridiculed because being a president or a Chairman of the board of a multinational company “does not seem to be her place” and at the back of a deserted building, a man is left to die in his own cold and sticky blood because he is gay.
I am dying, yet I am crying. My heart is filled with anguish and despair as I cannot bear to look at these horrific scenes any longer.
But alas! I think I see a ray of hope somewhere in the distance. Something shiny seems to be lighting this black hole that I’m in, because even while breathing my very last breath, through the light emitting from the shiny object, I don’t see a division of races, I only see the human race, I see women and men having equal rights, I see LGBTQI people living in a judgement-free world.
Somewhere lying safely is something shiny, like gold keys. Keys that will set these people that I see around me free of the oppression caused by the big, bad “isms": Racism, sexism, tribalism, classism, nepotism, religionism.
These keys lie deep within our very souls.
And so with my last breath, until we search within us and bring out these keys… I pronounce myself dead.
