ILLUMINATION
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ILLUMINATION

It’s Often The Path That Scares The Shit Out Of Us We Must Take

That’s The Entire Problem With Walking By Faith… It’s Terrifying.

Photo by Kirill Balobanov on Unsplash

I’ve noticed that every time I’m faced with a decision in life, it’s always the option that requires me to stretch myself the most that Life is calling me to do.

We can say all day long and pontificate with our other enlightened friends, it’s taking the hard road that will lead us to a better life. But the problem is pretty simple when we actually come to that road in real life — it’s fucking hard! And being the humans that you and I are, we don’t like that. We’d much rather know what the outcome will be and know that the outcome will smile favorably upon us when we arrive. But the mechanism we find ourselves in, called life, doesn’t operate that way. Life looks at us and says, “Jump off that cliff — worry about the wings on your way down.”

A few years ago, I was facing one of these decisions to either jump into the void of ‘who the hell knows what’s going to happen’ or continue to walk the lighted and bright path of ‘I hate what I’m doing every day but at least it’s paying the bills.’

Unfortunately, I’m one of those folks that can’t buy into the old saying of everyone hates their job, just do it and get through it and at the end of 40 years, you get a watch. There’s just something in me that screams, not yearns, but screams so loud I can’t hear anything but GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

I have this completely overwhelming desire and drive to always seek work that has my heart’s stamp of approval attached to it. And once that stamp of approval either expires or never shows up, here comes that nagging screaming of GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! — doesn’t everyone have that going on inside them at some point? Maybe I should get it looked at…

Anyway, I found myself in this position a few years ago. It had always been my dream to move to Los Angeles, California, and the thought had occurred to me before I could go — even now. I didn’t have a wife or a son or even a girlfriend. What I had was a career in higher education that was paying for my graduate degree at the University of Pittsburgh. What I also didn’t have was an ounce of a desire to continue on in the job that I grew to hate.

So, there it was… The decision to stay in a job where I lacked any fulfillment or move to LA.

I quit the job, sold everything I owned (except for clothes, books, and my Keurig), packed my car, and headed West for the Golden State. I had absolutely nothing lined up and didn’t even know where I would stay. My car was also a lease.

As I prepared to hit ‘send’ on the email with an attachment of my resignation letter, I stood at the very precipice of choosing which path to take. It continues on in this job that I hated and couldn’t imagine myself doing for another minute, or go to LA. I went to LA.

A week after I hit send on the email, my best friend’s parents called me and said they had a recent death in the family. They needed someone to live in the now-empty condo until the family could get things in order and sell it. The condo was in Los Angeles, California. I lived there for three months, right up to the time it took me to secure a full-time job at the University of Southern California.

The condo sold, I got an apartment twenty-five minutes from the beach, and I quickly realized that it’s the decision that scares the shit out of us we have to take.

Go do something that scares the shit out of you — it’s probably the right thing.

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