I’ve spent a lifetime around Manipulators.
Here’s what I do to avoid it.
If you’ve ever had strangers, friends or family, that have talked you into something you don’t want to do, made you feel bad so you would do something for them or tried to stop you from having an opinion to agree with them, then the likely chance is, you’ve been manipulated.
Yes, that’s right.
Even your closest friends and family may be manipulating you for their own benefit and you don’t even know it.
From school to adult life, without going into to much detail, I always seemed to notice when someone is trying to get me to do something for their own pleasure or benefit.
But some people never notice…
So, what is manipulation?
Manipulation according to the Cambridge Dictionary is ‘controlling someone or something to your own advantage, often unfairly or dishonestly’.
It’s essentially a form of psychological influence that aims to change the behaviour of others through indirect, deceptive, or underhanded tactics.
Manipulative people use a whole range of tactics at their disposal such as:
Guilt-tripping — making someone feel guilty, in order to make them do something.
Lying — lying about either their true intentions or denying that they have said or done something, even when there is evidence to prove that they did.
Flattery — putting on a façade of being kind or helpful when they’re really trying to get what they want from you.
Projection — the manipulator will cause tension and drama, then blame someone else for creating that energy.
These are just a few but there are more methods of manipulation than you have fingers on your hand.
The thing is that some manipulative people may not even know the tactics they are using. They just know that they work, so they keep doing it…
ANYONE can manipulate you; Family members, friends, partners, co-workers, you name it, they can do it.
Manipulation will have negative effects on your well-being and mental health.
You may experience low self-esteem & resentment (speaking from experience).
You may even experience confusion, anxiety or depression.
Fortunately, there are several ways to combat this and avoid manipulation that others may put on you.
If you follow these steps, hopefully, you’ll protect yourself from the consequences of being a victim. Here are some tips:
1. Notice how you’re feeling.
Being manipulated often makes you feel bad about either yourself or your choices.
If you feel guilty for a choice you’ve made or are being pressured into doing something you don’t want to do, then the chance is you may be dealing with a manipulator.
Trust your intuition and don’t ignore your emotions. Think of them as a magnet-repelling manipulation. The stronger the emotion, the further away you should stay from that person.
2. Don’t Rush…
HOLD BACK!
Think things through and don’t be hasty.
Manipulators will more than likely try to rush your decisions to pressure you into agreeing to do what they want.
They will badger and cajole you into making a decision that benefits them.
Don’t let them rush you and DON’T feel guilty for wanting more time or information
3. Self-esteem & Perfection.
Manipulators will prey on your insecurities, they’ll try to make you feel inadequate or unworthy.
Remember that no one can be perfect, all you can do is try your best.
“It’s better to be in the arena, getting stomped by the bull, than to be up in the stands or out in the parking lot.” ― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.
If they wanted what’s best for you, then they’d be providing you with constructive criticism, not insults.
Listen closely and watch out…
“You’ll never see a hater doing better than you.” — David Goggins.
4. Knowledge is Power…
Listen to different perspectives to get a full view of a topic or situation.
Manipulators often try to dominate or change your frame of reference, which is the perspective or belief you hold that guides your judgments.
They may use selective information to back up their views, or emotional appeals & false claims to persuade you to see their point of view.
Avoid this by listening carefully and critically to what they are saying. They may try and use traps and twist what you say to make you look bad.
Take a look at this interview of Jordan Peterson with Channel 4 presenter, Cathey Newman.
In the interview, Mrs Newman tries to corner Mr Peterson by using something he previously said. He then turns it back on here and corners her instead.
In the end, both participants were a good sport about it and laughed it off, however, this is the perfect example of someone trying to set a trap, then someone not getting caught in it.
and ask questions to clarify their intentions.
Seek out other opinions and sources of information that may challenge your argument and be prepared.
Don’t let others shut you down and dismiss your views. Manipulators continually try to change your frame mind of and corrupt your belief system.
Challenge others with facts & logic and BE VIGILANT.
5. Keep Your Life Low-key.
Manipulators often prey on people who are insecure, overly nice, or dependent on them.
I’ve found that manipulators will try to stop you from feeling confident, doing things you enjoy or isolate you from people that make you happy.
The best way to prevent this from happening is to try to find things you enjoy and DON’T. TELL. ANYONE.
When people don’t know anything, they don’t know what to attack.
Share things with people you can trust by all means be aware of what you share with certain individuals.
Manipulators don’t know what is happening in 90% of my life and what they do know I downplay.
I don’t tell them about my dreams, aspirations or goals I am working towards. I let them think I am doing the bare minimum with my life and I execute behind closed doors.
Actively seek privacy, confidence and independence. They are some of the most valuable assets you have when dealing with manipulators.
Manipulators want attention, they want to gossip and they want you to seek their approval. Starve them off all through concealment.
6. Agree to Disagree.
At times, manipulation can be so subtle and effective that you may end up questioning yourself or even agreeing with something you don’t want or believe.
This kind of manipulation is known as gaslighting. It’s when a manipulator tries to make you doubt your memory, perception, or sanity.
This can be either through recalling a past event, expressing your point of view or voicing your preference.
If the other party isn’t able to accept your point of view, there are two steps you can take.
First, tell the other party that “let’s agree to disagree and change the topic, we aren’t getting anywhere”.
However, some manipulators may still try to argue with you when you try this.
The next step is to just say “Ok” and walk away. If you don’t give them any material, they have nothing to argue with.
Remember, you don’t have to justify or explain yourself to anyone. You have the right to disagree with someone and stand by your own opinions and decisions.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article. If you found it helpful and think someone else could too, please clap 👏🏽👏🏽, comment 💬, share 📣 , or follow me 🙋♂️ for more…
I write mainly on self-development, personal experiences and interests but also venture into other topics too. If you are interested in self-development, please read some of my other articles (linked below). Enjoy.
