Just talking to myself about…intuition
Some of my favourite thoughts come either in bed early in the morning when I wake up and I actually should’ve still been asleep. Or more recently in the sauna.
I love the sauna as it makes me feel like I am flushing out the bad stuff in my system — weirdly while my body is saying goodbye to heavy metals and pesticides my brain conjures up the most glorious thoughts.
And glorious is exactly how I feel about them.
They are often the most enlightening and inciteful wanderings that my very fertile mind can create. If you’ve read any of my previous you will know that my brain can see much more than rabbits in a cloud formation — I can see all kinds of the most strange things and of course, there's the fact I can see words and numbers.
Glorious — that's how I feel about my new feelings of intuition.
The journey I am currently on began only a small handful of years ago when I had my near-death experience — nothing glamourous or bondlike just me, some badly laced boots, a puppy, a postman, and a badly leaned ladder!
This and my realization that I had suddenly got very very close to the end of my days on this planet made me start to question my very existence, in particular why I was here and why I was thinking about why I was here.
Cleverer folks than me have had this question and spun many a word trying to explain it — but in my case, I started on the path of actually trying to understand myself.
This started with an Irish psychiatrist — he retired before the course was completed — mental health breakdown forced on by treating me I fancied to myself. It continued onto an online spiritual course involving many a different point of view and place in this journey of life.
What that did for me was to make me realise that life is very very short. While I'm in this fleshy body of mine — it is actually a pretty quick sprint from baby to coffin.
It did mean that I did something I had never thought I would do and use my intuition.
Now that is obviously a lie as Ive been using my intuition my whole life- I now acknowledge that it has been a part of who I am since I can remember.
And the first thing I can remember is people looking at me and crying! That was my birth a harrowing experience for all — including me — 27hours of hell for my mum while I refused to appear- then I burst onto the scene — burst open her poor thing and entered this world screaming at al these people staring at me.
As child I knew I was different and that I was ‘ from another planet’ joking and said to explain my weirdness but I actually believed it.
Moving on rapidly and fast-forwarding through many harrowing and near misses to where I stood at 50 wondering what the F*(& had happened — why hadn't I made the impact on the world I had thought I would do as a young man. But now it was to late it was all over!
My journey into the world of spirit has not been without its twists and turns. I’ve met some great people — many sad — many in dark places looking for a ladder out of their own particular whole of despair. Me — I found my intuition — or at least I found the ability to trust my intuition and not to start feeling fake — as I have done for years.
I've given readings — this is where you focus on another being and actually tell them stuff you feel about them. This was extremely out of my comfort zone — so much so I had to get past the fact I was convinced I was being set up — but I still don't really believe that using my intuition actually made people feel better.
So — more of that thank you. I now am happy to read people — the odd one I have had criticising or contradicting what I have seen is handled — with difficulty but handled nonetheless by my assumption that they are hiding something.
Because I know. I am right. or at least my feeling was — my interpretation may be wrong / misplaced / misjudged.
I feel feelings — see certain shapes and then turn these into words. I don't hear stuff = that's not in my world — perhaps never will be. But I don't mind.
of course I would like to read minds- prophecies the future- see what horse wins the 2.25 at ascot — But I also know their party tricks.
I like the fact that I have made someone — even if its only a small bit — a little happier after than they were before.
Ive not had any earth shattering — life changing revelations — I cant see if they are closest gays or hiding a secret they don't want e to know- or even what underwear they are wearing if any!
The man in e would like that skill!
What I know and what I now accept is that this skill/talent/ability as required, has been with me always. Knowing how someone feels — seeing them upset or angry or sad. walking in a room and just knowing g. All these are human skills but mine can be. a little bit more focused- the good bit is my life has enabled me to turn this on and off. Somedays I am washed over by these feelings and its hard to cope- I have developed this wall that I put up.
For many years I drank too much — I never really knew why — I said it was to turn my brain off — it's a busy thing my brain. But really I also know it was to escape from this clamour for attention. not voices but emotions.
This can be converted into ghosts or even just evil thoughts. yes, I do hear screaming - but only if I let it. Now I talk to it and help it. Why not is upset — it might be scary yet but by talking back calmly I bet I’m scaring it as well. Like the bully confronted at school — a calm voice and tone always either simmers the pot — or I suppose it may overflow — which I have had to happen but it's just a noise. No ectoplasm or shaking light fixtures.
My intuition therefore is part of me and who I am — I hid from it for a while — perhaps due to not knowing. or even the feeling it was an external influence — that was looking to take over me and turn me into some demon.
I have felt demons — I have had a few close encounters with my behaviour, which I could explain as demonic. I have felt dark dark nothingness. I have seen bright white light — often slightly tinged with blue.
All these in people when I tune in.
Where do I go from here- I don't know _ this is a journey I will continue till my body dies and I move on . What will I do with it while I am here — hopefully make a few people happier if I get the chance. Will I force my talents and become a spiritualist? No, that's not me. will I look to earn from it — no that just feels wrong. Will I become better at it — time will tell I guess. I will practice.
Which takes me neatly back to my sauna time — while I'm in the sauna I seem to be able to block out. a lot of the noise I get elsewhere. Even in bed early there is a certain amount. But in the sauna I look to focus on someone or even a thought and then see what comes to me. I’ll follow the strand of thought — or even the conversation and take from it any messages or insights that I get.
They are fascinating, and I relay wish I could write them down but my short term memory is shocking and paper and pencils arent useful in a sauna so I do my best.
Intuition is a great friend to me now where before it caused many an issue. especially hiding from it or trying to block it out.
But Now — its here and I am enjoying it.
If there are any readers who need to find themselves — perhaps feel lost — maybe even feel like they are in the wrong body (me )in the wrong place (me ) and have felt ‘wrong’ their whole lives.
Try this — get comfy — quiet ( and hot sauner’ish of course ) — dark is better — breathe deeply and slowly and focus on your navel/belly button.
Travel down from your head a single white light or spot and see it travel down and through your body to you belly button — go lower then back and find a place for it to sit. Then by now focussing on that should calm and still some of your mind>
See the white dot and just see what is coming from it — and just follow it focussing on that thought. don't judge just watch listen feel whats happening.
Just feel and — when it ends it ends — it may end quickly or slowly. It may end up thinking about your shopping but try and move them on and focus on the dot of light. it may change into something - good — follow it.
This is what I do — I sometimes have the light go up and down my arms and legs.
There are no rules just the ones you make to make you feel better. You are looking inside you and you are the boss.
At worst, you are chilled and relaxed; at best, your intuition kicks in and you get an insight.
Let me know any journeys I’d be fascinated with — and especially if I'm in them!
