Kindness as a Catalyst for Inclusive Actions

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Kindness is a valuable complement to feedback, transparency, and validation, rather than a replacement. While being kind is important for neurodivergent (ND) individuals, it cannot fully substitute direct communication.

Let me share an example:

Since I’ve become aware of my neurodivergence, I disclose it almost every time I meet someone new, especially in a professional context. I do this for a specific reason:

It helps people understand that I may have a different way of thinking and communication processes. The purpose of sharing this is to encourage people to stop our conversation and seek clarity when needed.

Interrupting someone while they are speaking may seem inappropriate and rude, which it can be. However, by recognizing that it’s a social norm set in for a neurotypical society, we should empower ourselves to assess the specific context and determine when it’s appropriate to stop someone’s talk or not.

For example, you can ask yourself:

• Am I understanding their words clearly, or am I getting lost?
• Would I prefer to speak for minutes with someone who is struggling to follow my words, or would I prefer to be stopped and have them rephrase their thoughts?

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Remember that awareness about neurodiversity communication and the way of processing thoughts has been spread in society only recently.
Therefore, it’s pretty likely that many of us have experienced communication barriers for our whole lives while trying to adapt our style to yours.

The perception that that person in front of us isn’t grasping our words is frustrating and overwhelming, hence, pointing out what exactly isn’t clear to you can directly impact (positively) our verbal communication.
While you might think it’s rude because you’ve been taught that you should wait for someone to finish talking before bringing in your voice, well, it’s not.
You are demonstrating patience and kindness, showing a willingness to find a communication style that works for both of us. Smiling in silence and not comprehending our words isn’t a kind approach is disempowering.

ND communication processors can sometimes lead us down a labyrinth of thoughts, and we might be the only one in the room who sees the exit. While finding alternatives and solutions is one of our strengths, it can occasionally take us too far. In verbal conversations, we might have reached the horizon while you’re just beginning to consider it.

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I, like thousands of other neurodiverse individuals, have faced barriers due to misunderstandings resulting from societal norms and stigmas placed on differences in communication and thought processing.

Following years and years where, often unconsciously, we tried different thought processing than ours own, many gained the ability to sense who’s engaged in the conversation and who’s not.
In situations like job interviews, if we sense that the other person isn’t fully engaged due to communication barriers, we instinctively start searching for alternative ways to communicate, often delving further into the labyrinth of our minds.
Meanwhile, the person in front of us typically continues to smile and nod.

So, please, avoid doing that, when kindness isn’t followed by proactive actions isn’t kindness, at all. Remember that when this dynamic occurs, it’s harmful to us, and our verbal communication is affected.
If a few minutes earlier, I appeared confident and verbally efficient, I may now encounter some verbal difficulties.

Instead, use your kindness to pause the conversation allowing us to come back from our mind running like a Ferrari before running out of energy, which would otherwise hinder the ability to focus on the next questions. Kindness linked to proactive actions are essential element in promoting collaboration and empowerment.
One without the other is simply not as effective.”