Leave your Bucket List unchecked.
Goals are good. But they’re not everything.
I misuse the term “Bucket List” often.
Many are familiar with the Bucket List, popularized with the 2007 film of the same name, as a list of goals someone hopes to achieve before they die, or “kick the bucket.”
But I keep lists of shorter-term goals, to complete over the course of a semester, a year, a season, or a trip, with “Bucket List” in the title: “Senior Year Bucket List,” “Summer Bucket List,” or “New York City Bucket List,” to name a few.
A Bucket List, to me, means to complete before something ends, or before I leave somewhere.
I’ve written several Bucket Lists over the course of my life and, in doing so, have formed a complex relationship with the idea. My best advice to anyone who wants to keep a Bucket List, short-term or long, is to leave one or more boxes unchecked.
My first Bucket List was a long-term investment, drawing inspiration from Tumblr and Pinterest, with goals like “Visit Asia” or “Swim with Sharks” or “Surf in Hawaii.” I was 12 and had never been surfing, ever.
For a while this little looseleaf paper was Bible. Erasing a goal meant quitting. But as I grew up, I understood there wasn’t much point in completing a goal I had no interest in. Did I really need to “Jump in a Taxi and yell ‘Follow that car!’” to say I lived a good life? Absolutely not. Unless I want to die from cringe.
So, my original Bucket List dwindled to only personal goals, like living in New York City, at least once. I checked this box at 21 when I accepted an internship and took classes in the city for a semester.
Before moving to Manhattan, I wrote my “New York City Bucket List.” It included “Shopping at The Strand,” “Walking the Brooklyn Bridge” and other activities I hoped to do before leaving the city.
As my final days in the city approached, a few boxes remained unchecked. Some goals I lost interest in, usually after hearing they were overrated from locals. Either way, my time in New York would be fulfilled, not because a piece of paper said so.
I did visit the Strand, because it was on my Bucket List and something I wanted to do. I walked the Brooklyn Bridge with my best friend when she visited, but because we were going to see a basketball game at Barclays Center, not necessarily to check the box. A Bucket List is simply an outline, or motivation.
Several studies have shown you’re more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. My high school creative writing teacher taught me this trick as well. But some of my favorite memories have been spontaneous, spur of the moment, outside any list, save maybe getting a tattoo or living in New York. Having a Bucket List helps as a guide, but is it necessary to live a fulfilled life?
At 12, I was experiencing anxiety for the first time. I dreaded growing up to taxes and 9–5 employment. So, I compiled my Bucket List of places I could visit and things I could someday, to excite me about the prospect of being an adult. My Bucket List assured me life didn’t have to be so black and white — look how much there is to do! the list, scrawled with bright-colored pens, promised.
The times I’ve been most serious about bucket lists were low points, times when I when I needed reasons to look forward to the future or wanted to change myself in some way. I tell myself if I check these boxes, I’ll be happy. My life will be fulfilled.
I wrote Bucket Lists in attempt to rewrite my life.
I didn’t like myself in middle school. I was the reserved one in my friend group, afraid to take a risk or try anything new. So, I wrote my “Freshman Year Bucket List” ahead of starting high school. It included “Make new friends” but also “Be more outgoing” and “Be More Spontaneous.”
Be more spontaneous. In a way, this vague directive contradicts the whole idea of the Bucket List, a planned organization of goals.
I wrote a “Senior Year Bucket List” for high school only to forget about it a few months later. I checked boxes mentally, like “Seeing all the musicals” or “Going to more football games,” but there was so much more I did outside this list, I didn’t feel I needed it to prove I fulfilled my senior year.
I can’t remember when exactly I added “Get a tattoo” to my main Bucket List. I never had an interest until around maybe high school. The pain and permanence made me nervous. But more so, I didn’t think, at 12 years old, I was the type to have a tattoo. I wasn’t bold enough, daring enough, cool enough. But at 20, I proved my younger self wrong.
There is good to a Bucket List, of course.
My time in Manhattan was temporary, but I knew early on I wanted to live there again someday. Leaving goals like “Going to a speakeasy” or “Seeing a comedy show” uncompleted at the semester’s end only made me more confident I will return to New York City.
Realistically, we will never do everything we want. We will leave boxes unchecked, and that’s okay. The point is we made the list in the first place. The point is we believed in life enough to set those goals, to try and live it fully.
If boxes are unchecked, it’s okay. It means there’s more to do.
