Listen up single friends
A Transition Period
Being single doesn’t mean being alone.
I know that sometimes it can be difficult due to a lack of affection and wanting to share your projects with someone.
Try to think of it as a state of transition. A state to improve your personal formation before you are ready and sure you want to give yourself to someone else. This is an opportunity to grow in love. In self-love. Try to discover that dream that makes you be fully you.
Although this is a path of transition, it’s still a path of peace. This is a time of holistic healing. Get to know yourself, accept your flaws, and work on them.
Define your life project.
Look for the one? Or wait for the one?
First, what do we understand by “the one”? We shouldn’t be looking for “the one”. We should be working on ourselves.
You’ll only find love when you are able to offer it and reciprocate it the right way. If you haven’t worked on yourself, then there’s no use on looking for “the one” because you won’t find the right person, and if you did, it won’t work out. Sometimes you already found “the one” but you are not even ready for yourself.
It’s different to look for a relationship out of lack (looking for someone to keep you company) than from overflow. Am I scared of being alone? Do I need validation from someone else? Or… do I want to share my dreams and achievements with someone?
When you get to that overflow mode, of course you need to get yourself out there. By this I don’t mean for you to throw yourself to anyone, just try to be active an open. You can’t expect someone to fall from the sky by chance. We are talking about the person with who you want to share those hopes and wishes with. You have to do your part, go out, meet people, and most importantly, discern people.
No to passivity
Be consequent. You can’t say “I can’t find anyone” if you don’t accept an invitation or have the courage to invite someone out.
Like everyone else, I like to be approached and invited. But sometimes we need to have an active receptivity for that to happen. Remember, there are always ways you can encourage someone to make the first move.
For women, if you want someone to ask you out, you must show interest in feminine subtlety. This isn’t much of a science, it’s actually very instinctive. Femininity can be your best weapon, you just need to know how to exploit it. Besides, we’re living in a modern world where women can now approach someone, admit we like them, and ask them out.
Same for men. Why are you so afraid of rejection? Sometimes you don’t get the right one because of a lack of intention. You must know how to interpret those “hints”. Or (same as before) if you simply like someone, take some initiative. Don’t be afraid of being rejected. The worst thing that can happen to you is having a no for an answer.
Something that happens a lot as well as when you have worked on everything you had to, and you still miss someone from your past. As long as you are sure that what you had didn’t work out because of timing, or because both of you needed to work on yourselves. Don’t be scared to try to get back in touch with that person. Most likely he or she is missing you as well, and probably both of you are too proud or lack the confidence to take that first step. If both of you worked out your own shit, and have an honest conversation with each other, then I don’t see the reason why it shouldn’t work out.
Another thing would be if it was a toxic relationship. If that’s the case, then please don’t fall back to that vicious circle. Contrary to popular opinion, quitting is for winners. As Steven Barlett says, “knowing when to quit, change direction, leave a toxic situation, give up on something that isn’t working and move on is a very important skill that people who win at life all seem to have”.
Important… don’t quit because it’s hard. Quit because it sucks.
Placing our love
When we get out of a relationship, we are left with too much love that was directed and focused on one specific person. We must start to live the present fully, and see where we place all the love we have to give. There are so many ways in which we are called to love and give. Once we figure this out, we’ll fill our own existence with meaning. When we serve and give ourselves to others, we are fulfilling that vocation of love to which we’re all called.
If you fall into the despair of being alone, you’ll fall into despair in all aspects of your life. That stress of being alone is because we don’t have dreams of our own. We can’t think that we’re only going to be happy by being in a couple. Because when the day of meeting someone comes and you don’t have a personal dream or goal, you’re going to feel just as lonely and empty. Human beings have infinite calls to love that can’t be filled by someone in specific. Your love wishes are infinite and you cannot expect a single person to satisfy them all.
Loneliness is a gift. It’s the opportunity to find ourselves and know who we are. We must see this stage of our lives as something more transcendental. When you are alone with yourself, that introspection gives you the opportunity to reveal your identity, to affirm yourself to the world. Your story is much more transcendental than a relationship. Relationships bring happiness, they mark you, and you learn from them. But they don’t define you.