Listening & Understanding. It Matters.
I’ve become increasingly aware of the impact you can make on someone purely by listening. It shows support, encouragement, and allows them to be understood in any situation. It is both empowering and comforting when you know someone is truly interested in what you are saying, without the objective of responding at the first opportunity.
Unfortunately with simple observation, you can easily highlight the people that are desperate to flip conversations back to them. Which at the best of times can become quite overwhelming especially when you’re seeking advice or openness on a specific topic or experience.
People will talk about themselves, their jobs, their lives with gusto but without the good manners to show the same interest in anyone else. — Robert Shrimsley
I think we can all relate.
The question I ask is what do we want from conversations?
We’re all accustomed to gossip, general chit chat, even small talk. Anything with a mutual contribution. But whether at a party, a work social or having recently signed up to a new class, you’re bound to meet experts in one-way conversations, whether their passion comes from their career, their social well-being or their apparently unique life experiences it’s never long until you hear all of it. Whether you asked or not. We’ve all been there. It is worth thinking about the role you play in, and how you perceive conversations.
The art of conversation is described as the encounter of minds, tactful enough to listen, confident enough to express their true belief; subtle enough to search the reasons behind the thoughts. — John Armstrong
He goes on to ask “how often, really, do we appreciate why someone thinks as they do?”
Think about it.
We often speak to share emotions, ideas, experiences in hope of getting clarity or another perspective on situations. However, the need for sharing our thoughts can take precedence over our role in listening to others.
We have a responsibility to listen.
And with that responsibility, we can help friends, family, colleagues, etc, we can create memories, laughter, and build relationships by actively listening. We don’t help people when we simply wait to respond.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey
Considering myself quite introverted I find the culture in listening to respond without much concern for understanding very apparent, very real, and at times quite overwhelming. A culture that doesn’t benefit anyone. Instead, it creates a lack of awareness, empathy, or compassion. Knowing the difference between when you should respond and when you need to focus on listening and understanding is powerful. It enables you to unlock new doors in all kinds of meaningful relationships.
Final Thoughts
Become active in listening; demonstrate curiosity, consideration, and care and most of all be present. It’s always encouraging when people respond with constructive and engaging questions or thoughts, often highlighting a genuine interest.
Don’t overlook the importance of listening, it allows us to become more expressive, honest, and open-minded ourselves. Creating better conversations and relationships along the way.
Be the listener, appreciate what people are saying and how they have come to say it. You may learn a thing or two, or better yet you may be able to help.
And remember:
