LUCK.

A Poem | (#30) Culled From My Fourth Book — EvolutionR.

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Date created — 11th December 2022.

EXCUSE ME @ NEW WESTMINSTER PIER PARK © BEFIBRILLATOR

Orange, Blue, Yellow, and Green!

Walk with me and I’ll take you to school…

I don’t comprehend what just happened and how come I’m down on one knee?

I’m in my office on the terrace and as I look straight ahead, I see,

A beautiful nutritionist, eating alone in our lunch garden under a tree…

Suddenly, my neurons make a zigzag connection, and everything seems to fit in one continuum…

In one straight second of time-space line, I don’t think, I don’t feel, but my mind makes a strange decision…

She was a good human, a smart lady, but none of that had a part to play here…

As I had known her for nearly five months and never regarded the above as viable information…

She had also sat across me for two of those months and we barely spoke much with each other…

I worked with her in a wellness center but the point is there was never really any chemical tension…

My first impression of her was great but I used a nonexistent book to block her looks,

As she strode toward the table where I sat.

By this, I mean I made an unnecessary mental note based purely on her appearance…

Taking the deserted route and placing an intellectual bar way too close to the top of her hair

A few months down, I knew her well and I won’t spare you the truth that she is an extremely intelligent human being…

Emotionally aware but deliberately positive, essentially, she is the type of character that is necessary in every business room…

She wasn’t a blonde but she was vibrant and had a cheerful glow about her…

As friendly as she was to me, I remained sufficiently distant and strictly professional as I normally am towards my female work counterparts…

I assess people easily but for an unnecessarily long time, I refused to even give her the option of being assessed…

I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say, I could see she was going to get high marks…

So as the lecturer, every day, I refused to give her the opportunity to contemplate sitting for a test…

I am not merely impressed by good behavior.

And I am not at all impressed by intellect.

But I am impressed by behavior that shows you have wisdom without necessarily displaying that wisdom.

People who can see the good and bad around but don’t allow it dictate the appearance of their projection…

People who despite the good and bad in the environment desire to lead with a positive vibe without saying they are leading or raising their shoulders…

She was a deliberate genuine antioxidant and she knew how and where to push and pull her energy…

I was impressed.

Back to the story…

Let me expatiate on what happened that day.

After walking into my office, I received a shock-like sensation in my brain and heard those four words (the colors)…

The four words kept ringing rapidly and repeatedly in my head as I stood in one spot wondering what to do with the information…

Like a phone call, it continued, until I heard the color, ‘Black’, and it all finally stopped.

The only thing that made sense to me was that maybe I was to look at each one of those colors in that particular order…

And then look at or touch a black color, which I supposed might be for ‘absorption’?

I turned my head around and surely there were four items with those exact colors,

Not arranged in a straight line, but lying randomly on my table…

I say ‘surely’ because I have witnessed other synchronous situations before…

Anyway, I had knelt down to have a look at the only black item in my office; a marker that happened to be on the floor…

And while I held it in my hand, I regained consciousness just as something appeared to be triggered in my mind…

A completely lucid and conclusive thought filled with a clarity a million times more solid than the prior moment of impulsive erratic electricity that took over my neurons.

It felt as if I had just completed an advanced workshop on synaptic neuroplasticity and my brain surpassed the required climax, saying, yes, you are good to go, you have mastered the skill!

But I don’t remember initiating the thought or asking to learn a skill or going on that brain path…

Still, I felt like I could see over the horizon as regards the decision…

That’s how strong my neural connections were at that moment…

ICE NFT PAINTING © BEFIBRILLATOR

CHAIN OF EVENTS…

Feb 14 — I share a seat with her as we pose for a picture after exchanging gifts on Valentine’s Day. My idea, a few days before. I got her an avocado and she bought me an avocado sandwich.

Feb 15 — I barely converse with her and then tell her at the end of the work day that yesterday was a one-off thing and we should continue as workmates. She seems slightly caught off and doesn’t seem pleased but says all is fine…

A few weeks later, I break my pact and ask her out; she says no, but I persist. She complains about my abrupt behavior in the past and says that she finds it difficult to express herself around me. I try to talk to her during and after work but she tries her best to avoid me; she also avoids most of my calls. She is very cautious and after a while, she slowly opens up to me.

Two more things happened a few days after my birthday (exactly a month after Valentine’s Day) which I can’t put well together. I have a faint recollection as it was close to my last seizure episode.

MY LAST BIRTHDAY BEFORE EVOLUTIONR — 14TH MARCH 2022. I DESIGNED THE CAKE WITH MY LOVE FOR ECG AND WAVES, AND THE SYMBOL OF OUR BRAND ⚡ © BEFIBRILLATOR

EVENT ONE

I give her a black bead while just the two of us are eating our lunches, sat at the same oxygen garden…

It was a single bead from what was formerly my hand bracelet.

I had an identical one, though white, and from my other bracelet.

These were the only two beads I had left…

I had cut my bracelet at the time to use as something of an instrument in the office…

At the time, my brain was on fire and I used to receive millions of impulses while working daily…

Everything was going on normally in the office and nobody knew I was suffering…

But I had to swing my bracelet to try and relax my mind…

At this time, I had just been promoted and given an office on the first floor…

She had also been promoted and worked in the office directly beside me…

The demarcation ended below the ceiling and I often threw her a note over the wall…

In the new office, I hung my certificates and my favorite man united jersey…

It had the number 7 below my name and the front faced the wall between us,

I told her hanging it was a sign of my retirement from playing games…

My mind was never still but the swinging rope of beads served as a distraction…

I held the end of the rope in my hands every day for almost two months…

It was the only thing that really made a difference…

It was my peace in a world that was overwhelming and undermining me…

It was my safety charm…

It was my pendulum…

And I needed it more than per second…

MY OFFICE ON THE FIRST FLOOR WITH MY WELLNESS CERTIFICATE AND MY NEUROSCIENCE DISTINCTION CERTIFICATE © BEFIBRILLATOR

I told her the bead signified anything she wanted it to signify, after noticing her behavior had slightly changed again…

I could see that she sensed the silent indecision behind my train of thoughts and actions…

I was heading down a tunnel I didn’t want or plan to go into but had accepted it as my eclectic fate

As a consequence of the rewiring that happened upstairs in my former office on the balcony…

Essentially, I subconsciously made it clear to her that the bead was a ring from my heart…

A commitment

If ever she had any doubt…

For me, it was eerily premature and forced…

But I had to do it to receive freedom from myself and my mind…

There was a friction in my head that caused and simultaneously fused a new suture into the bones of my nervous system…

A complete skeletal structure was formed when I saw her in that garden with my left knee on the floor as I looked across from my office window…

My future was alive and walking in front of me in my mind, directing all my actions and leading me to the moments that followed…

The seizure started when I walked into my office the instant I heard those colors singing…

And it lasted for several months…

We never went on a proper date…

And we only had one proper conversation on the phone…

The day I gave her the bead was not the same day she accepted it…

But the day I gave her the bead was the first time I saw her truly smile with vulnerability…

And I could see the kind of grace I would be getting from her immense soul…

For the first time in my life that week, I felt the intuition of a lioness on my right side…

Positive energy…

Something new…

And ahead,…

I wasn’t scared to look ahead as the light practically surrounded me…

But I was scared to move ahead…

She had been through a lot of pain but still stewarded that pain into a positive vision…

One way or the other,

She received a sliver of my vulnerability,

And some of my intuition slipped into hers,

She could tell there was still an unanswered desire in my constitution…

She could feel there was still a part of my soul with a different temperature…

She could tell there was another person’s texture that I was yet to get off my sense…

Or I had been unable to, try as I might in this phase of events…

She knew I was truly in love with another woman…

And without saying or provoking anything, I broke her heart…

I broke her heart but she still kept me inside…

Her soul remained strong and she didn’t break her stride…

You could never tell as she never changed her smile…

But she never again allowed me look into her eyes…

EVENT TWO

I left

I was missing from the office for over two weeks after unexpectedly suffering a major seizure episode…

I was alone in my apartment and a chain of events happened but it started with me dropping my Man United jersey on the road in front of my office’s gate and ended with me throwing my mobile phone into a river.

Incidentally, after disposing of my phone, my world received a massive calm…

And to me, it felt like I had disposed of an unwanted memory

>>> Learn more about my book, EvolutionR here >>> (there’s also a link to read some of the poems for free) >>> Below are Poems #31 & #32 (the last two poems in the book)

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Dr. Adeboye Oluwajuyitan⚡The Befibrillator
ILLUMINATION

Poet Therapist, Designer & Health Coach. If you would like me to write a poem for you (therapeutic), email us - info@befibrillator.com. www.befibrillator.com.