Marriage, Luck, and Risks
“Women try their luck, men risk theirs”
Oscar Wilde used to say: “When a woman remarries, it is because she hated the first husband; when a man remarries, it is because he adored her first wife. Women try their luck, men risk theirs.” The great writer was a very smart and sensitive guy. What he said deserves reflection.
I kept thinking of the examples I knew and other ones I know to attest to the truth of Oscar Wilde’s proposition. I considered that an average of 80% hits the spot! Of course, there is always 20% that escapes the rule because every rule has an exception. Everything and everyone escapes the rule in life. I had an uncle who adored his wife. It was an overwhelming love, but she died young shortly after having the child who could barely remember the mother. Everyone in the city wanted to marry the widower, since widows, single, separated, and even married! He was very beautiful and somehow rich. He didn’t accept anyone. He died old and alone, very depressed. I wish he had not escaped the rule.
But my uncle is not a parameter. The married years were so few that there was no time for that little disappointment that happens in every relationship, something like a “baptism”, just like when we buy a new car and are relieved with the first scratch. Their marriage was still too perfect.
I mean marriages of years and years when one loses the other. Oscar Wilde was right. Many women who had been quite happy during the married years, remained very loyal to the deceased, not accepting any marriage proposal. They were even offended. I heard of one that said to the would-be suitor: what is that? I am a woman of only one man. Anyway, women who were happily married feel satisfied with their quota of happiness filled and see no need to repeat the dose.
However, those who were no happy, living in a painful marital relationship, as soon as they become widows, quickly mourn, and go out to enjoy life. My mother cited several examples. One was a sad woman, always in dark clothes. Soon after she lost her husband when she as able to access the money in the bank, she remodeled the living room and often appeared at Mass with a new, more colorful skirts. This widow in question did not remarry, just limited herself to enjoying her freedom. It must be considered that the culture of fifty years ago was not favorable for a widow to go out flirting freely, but the desire remained modest within her heart. Other more courageous women try their luck, although they are afraid of not being happy again in another marriage full of sadness. They don’t want to feel like they’ve just filled a gap. Very fair. They should try.
The men, happy during their first marriage, always want to repeat the dose, they risk. Being happy again is the lottery. Happyness at two weddings? Well, it may be, but if a marriage is already difficult, imagine two! However, they insist, try to meet new partners, eager to live together. Sometimes they repent, they even separate. But they don’t give up, they risk their luck in a new marriage.
Yes, that men and women are different, nothing to deny. Apart from a few exceptions, Oscar Wilde was right: women try their luck, men risk theirs. My husband risked his luck and got it right.
