Melancholic Memories
A few days ago, I was looking back on some old memories that I had in my childhood, one of which was the time I went on a cruise with my cousins. I must've been only 5 or 6 at the time and I seriously don’t remember much, just a few things, hanging out with my brother and cousin all day at the pool or playing on the bunk beds in our room, and having a blast.
I smiled and let out a little snort, it was like my heart glowed with the feeling of reminiscence and remorse. My thoughts continued to flow, and some of my favorite memories with them began to flood into my mind, such a pure time, such a fun time, it really was a time full of love.
That's the thing with memories, isn’t it? They are like birds that migrate year-round. At first, they are with you, they make you happy, they give you fun, but they have a mission, and they must leave. They fly away further and further until you can no longer touch or feel them like you once could. Eventually, they fly so far they become out of sight, leaving you only remembering what was.
I chose to write about this topic because I think this is just such a rich emotion, such a human emotion. I feel such sadness thinking back because I am no longer close to them like I was at that time, My heart aches with melancholy, but it also radiates with pride and happiness, I knew them and they were amazing and we had an amazing time, but that time is over so now what is left?
I love the word melancholy, it is so deep and a word which I think cannot fit into a definition with words but only fit into an experience. The first time I heard the word melancholy it was explained to me like this:
I was reading a book and in it was an old lady. In that old lady fashion, she had a bowl of old candies. One of the characters tried it, and guess what he said? It tastes of melancholy.
Melancholy is not an outright sadness, it is not a depression. It is a small yet large hue around your heart, one that almost brings you to tears but you cannot explain why, it is something that brings your soul down, but then also brings it back up. I am so happy I was able to make those memories with them, but am sad that they are now just that, they are memories.
On a hot summer day, a breeze may blow past you but you will never feel that same breeze again or feel the same relief you felt on that day, We can only savor it while it happens and wish it well when it leaves.
I am not an emotional person, but I would be lying if I said that thoughts like these don’t nearly bring me to tears.
Melancholy affects even the most macho emotionless people, Do you know why? Because melancholy isn’t just sadness, it's a sadness that sprouts from the root of happiness, It's a feeling of something being absent, instead of something being too large to bear.
In any conversation about memories and melancholy, I can’t help thinking back to the song “Time of Our Lives” by Tyrone Wells
“And though it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend, n the time of our lives”
“Where the water meets the land, there is shifting in the sand, like the tide that ebbs and flows, memories will come and go”
This is such a beautiful metaphor, one which I think perfectly sums up memories and human emotion, change comes, it cannot be stopped, you just have to go with the flow, memories will come and go.
One time I gave a speech at another cousin’s wedding. He was much older than me, but still, I grew up around this guy we had so many memories. That is why I went up there and gave a toast, to wish him luck on the new chapter of his life, but to also have an outlet for my emotions, to be able to tell everyone how I felt.
In the end, I suppose melancholy and reminiscence are as natural as the sea and the sky. It is a type of bittersweet pain one must experience in life, for a life without melancholy is a life where one has no memories to look back on fondly, no cheerful moments of love shared with others, and I think a life without that is not a life worth living.
It may be a sorrowful emotion, but I am nevertheless grateful that I have the memories to look back on, I am sad that I can no longer experience them, but happy that I had the chance to.
Do not fret though, just as the birds come back year-round, so do the new and exciting memories different, but perfect either way.
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