Mental Collapse
Opposing Writer’s Block
I’m sitting in a comfortable chair and thinking deeply about several subjects. Picking one is a great dilemma. My inspiration lessens with each painstaking second that passes. My brain cramps and weighs heavier. I try to sit straight and re energize and hope that my creative juices flow.
An hour passes and I composed two measly paragraphs. A genius would have ten pages written by now, but I am far from that. The sun began to set outside of my window. My motivation plummeted by the minute. There wasn’t a sign of help and my thoughts spiraled and became chaotic.
At first, I thought being in a silent dark room sparked ideas. When that didn’t work, I believed being outside in nature was a greater alternative, until I recognized how worthless my concepts were. No matter where I went with my laptop, I couldn’t produce valuable ideas. External inspiration didn’t fix my internal troubles.
Writer’s block is a dilemma a creative must address when they don’t want to. It’s a nagging feeling I can never escape from. I can go days without creating work. The process reminds me of toenails being torn from someone’s body and sharp needles piercing through their skin.
I’m going through writer’s block right now trying to write this. Isn’t that ironic?
There are no benefits to a lack of creativity and passion. I would’ve never thought that writer’s block could glue itself to me and crush my soul. Nobody can guide me through the writing stages anymore. I’m not given any feedback for my mishaps often. People see my work as a gift while I think it’s terrible.
To begin writing, I need a quiet space and a comfortable chair. An environment that doesn’t disrupt my mind creates magic. Some people can write through loud noises, but I fail at that. When I want to study or complete projects, loud music or continuous noises never make me happy. Concentration and a glass of water are my recipe for productivity.
A soft bed never hurts my abilities either, at least sometimes. When my home isn’t too occupied, I could focus and type away with a pinch of lo-fi instrumentals in the background. I may even read a bit before writing to gain some motivation. My only hope is to not fall asleep.
In the morning, writer’s block impacts me the most. I’m not a coffee drinker, and breakfast makes me sluggish. With hours of fasting, I find energy to shift my fingers around the keyboard.
Several hours of screen time is difficult to constantly consume. My surroundings are soothing until unsettling thoughts roll in. The negative outlooks give me a headache or brain fog. I fall victim to the intensity and unrelenting nature of them. They tend to become a black hole. Once I’m dragged into darkness, I’m entrapped by nothingness.
When I first encountered writer’s block, I was angry and confused. Being stuck in school with an essay assignment is never fun. It was challenging to progress through my work without wanting to throw my laptop across the room.
I’d assume small breaks from writing would aid me, but I was certainly wrong to think that. There are moments where I go for a walk or have small talk with someone nearby. Although, when I sit back down in front of my laptop, my writing energies don’t ignite.
Instead, I distract myself with social media posts. A smartphone is a helpful tool, but because of my history with the device, I must keep mine away from me. The simplest tasks drag my mind back into leisure. A few minutes of browsing could turn into an hour of liking content on Instagram.
My chain of relaxation is hard to break. Busyness can be a mundane addiction. When I’m not writing to some capacity, I miss it. During the process, I try to create incentives to keep my hands on the keyboard.
For one, I must turn on Do Not Disturb to silence notifications. Once I hear a ringing sound, my instinct is to grab my iPhone and read and respond to text messages. The habit leads to me looking at other applications such as X (formerly Twitter).
I have a weird fascination with checking the latest updates when it doesn’t matter. We’ll never know the world’s exact end so I never understand my interest in other people’s lives. More importantly, I should prioritize my passion projects since I’m not promised to finish them.
Then, there are times where I end up going on a web browser to look at YouTube videos on my laptop. That can easily take a chunk of my time away from creating. The platform’s algorithm alone scares me because it’s quite accurate and rapidly feeds you personalized content.
Using digital timers and stopwatches have been my latest tools for strengthening my focus and producing concrete ideas. To apply pressure on myself, I challenge my speed. Writing good material at a fast pace has never been my strong suit. Giving myself a push helped me discover the essence of putting words together with more thought while obsessing less.
Along the way, I found that my writing became a reflection of where I was at. If I was discouraged and not in the mood to do anything, my writing production would slow down and become sloppy. When I had energy and could string several sentences together, everything flowed nicely.
Creative crashes worry me. When I lose focus and confidence, I critique my slowness and wonder how much more work I must put into fixing my mental lapses. Another part of my mind believes I’m a coward who dodges the real issues. I sincerely wonder if writing is for me and where my talent and hunger went.
I once was a kid in college who had time to find solutions. Now, I’m an adult in the real-world finding balance between writing what I want and working a full-time job. Luckily, my English degree paved the way for me to work in the communications field. Through my education and experience, I can write for the most part and learn about which writing aspects I must improve.
Although, it’s tricky to work as a writer full-time. I have less energy to work on passion projects. Sitting and standing in front of a laptop for hours can be challenging. Maybe, my writer’s block comes from not squeezing in enough time for writing about subjects I like.
This was the evident result of having increased responsibilities and shifts in interests. Now, that I have published work, I’ve lost sight of the topics I want to cover. The transition from creating meaningful projects to generating income through writing wasn’t easy or encouraging.
When I get out of work, sometimes I don’t even desire to eat. All I crave is rest. Naps have become my best friend when I have the downtime. My tiredness is the downfall to my passion. I can get complacent, bored, and uninspired.
My writing periods at work can become therapy sessions. I think about how horrible my creations are and how I don’t have time to perfect it. Let me be honest, the writing landscape is competitive. There are writers who can produce great material at a fast rate. That alone hurts my confidence and ability to get better at my craft. Comparison can be my kryptonite.
Instead of creating, the process becomes a mind game of battling my low self-esteem. I think about how my writing structure could improve and why my vocabulary is limited. That leads to me asking myself about how I speak on the same topics. Or how I never draw inspiration through writing exercises or other creative strategies.
As I beat myself down, I find that my urge to write my own material isn’t the same. I disregard how I can positively influence others and help myself by sharing my thoughts.
The writing I do at work doesn’t have my voice and uniqueness. In the process, my writing ambitions and lack of passion make me resent my job.
At first, I never thought about earning money as a writer because I also use the craft to cope. Journaling has always been my gateway to a better outlook. When I feel like I can’t create any other concepts, I read my reflections and find ideas through it. Coming from that background, writer’s block is not an excuse to quit creating. Instead, it forms a challenge for those who enjoy difficult phases.
Writer’s block is the perfect explanation for needing breaks. It can be that I’m not at my best for the day or I truly need to rest. There is no clear way for me to dodge writer’s block so thinking about my next steps more clearly helps.
I say, you should write without a care. Literally, writing the worst things you can think of and letting someone critique it is better than quitting. At other points, it can mean spending more time with nature or your family. Some days, it may be treating yourself to your favorite food. You should do whatever it takes to feel less horrible about your unproductiveness.
For those who can avoid writer’s block effectively, I envy you. Out of all the writers in the world, you can continue to achieve your goals and not feel entrapped to the writing process. You are free from the worries and doubts of how talented you truly are. Nobody could judge your efforts because of your mistakes. Your consistency will surpass many writers.
If I were you, I’d create workshops about writer’s block. You could let it become a part of your persona and discuss the many reasons why writers don’t succeed. Some say you need practice to become greater, but what if practice doesn’t help to establish a better basis of who you are and what your writing is meant for?
In the end, I contemplate if writing is more of a hobby than a career for me. Although, I’m proud to say I try to make something out of the words I put together.
