Merton’s Wisdom on the Power of Standing Alone in a Chaotic World
It’s ok not to belong.
If you delve deeply into self-help and psychological articles and books, you’ll often find the emphasis on the fundamental need to belong. They will often cite studies about the “epidemic of loneliness,” and the paradox of how our technology is supposed to bring us together yet drives us further apart.
You can see this paradox in any store. Even though people have a desire to belong or a desire for connection, they will bury themselves deep into their digital devices to be entertained for a brief moment while they wait in line. Sometimes you can look up and have a brief conversation when the line is long enough. That person who is extremely aggravated about having to wait in line is desperate to tell other people about their misery. That person is seeking belonging in his misery.
Yes, people will often cite Aristotle, who said we’re social beings, even though he was comparing ourselves to bees. We like to congregate. One of my favorite psychological theories was Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory, which says we are driven to compare our abilities with others. There is a whole research discipline called social psychology that looks into how social climates and individuals interact with one another.
