Milestones Are Not Endings
I often realize that when milestones in my life happen, I’m often met with problems thoccur shortly after. I have done much thinking about this and I always try to seek a theory. I question myself and wonder if I allow my pride and successes to get the best of my thoughts. Do I grow much bigger in my own mind, before I really let that milestone do the right thing and motivate me further.
Milestones and successes can alter our sense of reality a bit, and we sometimes get these “bigger than our britches” type of attitudes which end up stinging us with regret and pain later.
I can remember a hundred similar scenarios myself. I can remember so many times in the past, feeling good, and happy while enjoying some solid time in sobriety, and recovery. And I think it is those blind good feelings, that likely lead me back to a world of drugs in which I would eventually lost control of again and again.
It can really make a mind think and question the happiness and pride that is within milestones. With the constant question always being, is it okay to celebrate milestones? Or is it a jinx? Personally, I don’t think it’s an automatic jinx. I don’t really know if I even believe in jinx’s myself.
I am however a big believer in the danger of overconfidence and what it can do to the very best of us. It comes from the numbing nature of our memories of the worst of things, and the darkness of our earlier journeys in which we have been through.
I love the feeling of success and the adventure that living a clean life can actually be. It’s much more enjoyable whether we are looking out our minute to minute short term life, or our long term month to month, year to year life.
When I look at all my experiences with my drug relapses, it’s easy to see the terror of the sickness of it all now, here in the future. When looking back however at the reality and mindfulness of the mindset back then, an attitude of not giving a shit in that moment seems to have developed back in those days.
Refusing to see the reality of what going back to a drug one more time can do. Having nothing to do with our own education and knowledge. Because we were long since smart enough to know the facts. Instead it’s just as if, all clarity was out the window, and denial seemed to sort of rain free. More than once too. Because it wasn’t that one day, and that one time of using that got us all totally addicted to heroin again. It’s that careless denial that makes us go, just one more day, and one more day, and then one more day. That would be when we wake up and realize that we are once again prisoners of our mind and body.
There is no cure for denial. That doesn’t mean that it’s completely out of our control. It’s about the way we accept it. Plus the way we grasp it
Denial is one of the specific things that make us humans flawed. Because it’s a flaw that is quite powerful. It overtakes our thinking, our emotions, our logic, and our physical actions.
So how can we harness the wonderful feelings of succeeded milestones into channels which give us more strength to continue on to the next milestone? Without falling back because of conceited or irresponsible behaviour and choices?
I try to look at my journeys and milestones as gears churning in my brain and heart. With each move or each choice affecting every other part of the engine that is our lives. A bad choice now, to try and use a drug just once more, can negatively affect the many gears churning our lives.
Just like the way in which things like smoking can cause lung cancer. If we try a cigarette once at 13 years old, we won’t have that cancer at age 14. But if we keep feeling lucky, and smoke again and again, we may get cancers or heart disease after 30 or 40 years.
It’s a matter how learning how to control our emotions, in the eras of good success and milestones.
Milestones should be accomplishments in life which elevate us to more and more milestones. If the gears keep churning from positive experiences and growing more with all the moments, then those gears will more likely, not bite us in the ass later. Good results come from consistent good decisions.
This is a tough topic. We all know how careless we get. But we must learn the biggest mystery of all, is controlling our impulses when we are in those moments.
This journey may still quite new.
By MICHAEL PATANELLA