Mom Your Love Is Wrong Not You
As someone who hasn’t seen the stars aligned for a long time, I can say I never laughed from my heart.
The type of love that when you are sad they are sad too but more sadder by the time you are healed your next move is trying to heal them. The type of love where you can’t live truly and be yourself — that is the type of love my mom has for me.
As someone who hasn’t seen the stars aligned for a long time, I can say I never laughed from my heart so I can’t recall a time when was i happy but I never was vulnerable to anyone it is always me, and my diary.
But sometimes I can’t when life is a cycle of bullshit I act cold, Quiet and have a “don’t talk to me” face, and then when she notices she will be sadder that she would call all our relatives and tell them how I am acting like brat they will lecture me how I should be grateful, how she never left me like my father, how she does things he never did to me and then I feel sadder again then I will wish there was button before you where born saying “I choose to be born” and “I choose not to be born” I would push the second option so hard that it would be broken.
They make me feel like I chose to be born and all her life tragic is my responsibility. Please someone tell my mother her child is also human aren’t I allowed to be sad? Do you think I want to be sad?
So I will hear their lecture and say yes you are right auntie, am sorry uncle I will be considerate of my mom's feelings — biting my lips.
Then I go to her room and say I am sorry but honestly I am not truly sorry.
I guess no matter how old you are sometimes you don’t mature that is how my mom feels about me. It is strange how she can understand strangers but not her daughter. And when I see how other moms and daughters are like my dairy and me I will be so jealous that I will start biting my finger. One because I am mad that we can’t be like that two she says I am like your friend then be this emotionally immature person and I will be scared having her as my mom and friend so I keep my distance.
For others, she is their best friend, their role model, their inspiration but for me, she is the one of reasons my eyes have tears and hate my existence.
If I weigh my mom she has many good qualities that I would brag about but at the same time, she is one of three reasons that drag me down.
It is already summer but When will be the summer of my life?
#This Happened To Me #Love #Mom #Parent
