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NEWSFLASH – Jubilees are Criminally Boring

70 Years of Longing…

A gaggle of bored british citizens stand in a makeshift queue to nowhere while an endless stream of Union Jacks line an arboreus corridor forcing the crowd’s attention toward the gilded idol that stands before them in the distance.
Image by jhoanfull on Pixabay

We used to shame parents for real faux-pas like birding. Now it seems kids can’t even be kids without the call for leashes, shock collars, and a totalitarian-like re-education of the human spirit.

Have you heard the news? A child — acted like a child, and its parent — calmly did their best to deal with the situation.

Video posted by TheDuchessBoom via Twitter

So how does half of Twitter react?

“Louis is being a brat but for the most part kids only do s#!t like this when they’ve not been taught any discipline. this is on the parents. Kate and C&%t have got to better.” Muhammad Butt via Twitter

It’s strange how the resilience and perseverance of a small child is seen as some kind of trophy when it’s most certainly a tragedy. The endless call and raise in a bid to see who can exploit their kid’s best years while living out their own childhood fantasies of prenatal perspicacity. The little one becomes a golem of redundant regrets and principles never proven. The parent’s reward — bragging rights and the slimy smile of self-satisfaction

We could debate how this so-called temper tantrum is realistic communication when one party is under duress — or how arguing will always be better in the long run, even if bartering or bullying is more efficient — or the eternal tragedy of how kids enduring the marathons of monotony became its own unique brand of torture-porn.

But let’s turn our attention to the real culprit.

Jubilees are Really, Really Boring

I know we are supposed to be impressed that this is the 70th year of her reign, but I’m more concerned with the fact that they have had 70 years to make this somewhat interesting and have failed miserably.

Unless you are a complete iconophile, an aging nationalist, or that “friend” you got wasted and somehow tricked into thinking — this is Glastonbury — you will most likely not find this particular precession entertaining in any metric or meaningful way — and it just gets worse time after time.

For the fortunate not familiar with the experience, it feels more like a telethon than a tradition. It’s the equivalent of being imprisoned and interned with an incredibly boring pantheon of unstimulating piety and unsurprising mediocrity.

Add one hour for transport, and multiply it by 5 for the virtual kid-to-time factor.

Just imagine 20 hours at the most outdated concert you could ever conceive, completely sober, where nothing inspiring, useful, or educational ever really happens. Now sit quietly, with all the eclectic exuberance of a fresh-faced four-year-old, and don’t you dare question why, because bored-to-death bragging rights are the preferred poison of the perfect-parent myth-maker.

Should we celebrate the child who can withstand this strange brand of psychological torture?

Do We Want Another Royal Robot?

Maybe you think he lacks that stiff upper lip, that uncompromising composure that makes a True Royal.

Maybe we should remove his humanity like some cheap parlour trick. Strive to strangulate any sense — or serendipity. The dead-pan desecration of the innocent and inquisitive at the snap of a finger or the click of a heel.

“As Head of State The Queen has to remain strictly neutral with respect to political matters.” as stated by

It seems to be working for the Queen. Even if there is no existing law to dictate this behavior — it is working for her.

It worked pretty well when Harry and Meghan were being harassed by a bunch of racist trash. It worked even better when her son got caught hanging with Mr. Epstein, and I’m sure Boris Johnson is pleased as punch to have a perfectly silent figurehead happy to heel and fetch whenever he needs it.

The silence is shameful, not honorable.

Yeah, let’s do it again. Let’s never actually acknowledge, react to, or live in reality for the next 70 years.

A small slightly crinkled piece of elongated rectangular paper from a fortune cookie lays against a fabric background as dark as coal and rough as sandpaper. The fading blue ink reads “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
Image taken by Author, H.O.Meath

It’s good to see all that money is going to raise a real human being and not a robot.

Maybe people should take the time to mind their own children, and maybe it’s time the Royal Family stands for something more than doldrum tradition and dwindling tourism.



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H.O. Meath

H.O. Meath

Life-coach, Artist, Chef, Poly-Gnostic Techno-Mage. I explore and write about philosophy, psychology, society, and the concept of reality. I also love food.