No. Here’s Why.
The exact reasons I’ll reject anyone for anything, including my best friends.
The truth is that most of us do have a good handful of friends despite the fact that we like to joke and talk about how we don’t have any. As people, our friends are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and we would really do anything for them. Sort of.
On the flip side, while we do have friends, it is often easy to feel lonely. There is a tension that gets created between friends when one says no to another, or we start to feel like favors are not being reciprocated.
Personally, I have to admit that I will say no to my friends' requests all the time. Do I want to go out tonight? No. Do I want to drive over to your place later today for whatever variation of social gathering you’re hosting? No.
To no surprise though, I don’t say no just to be rude. There are usually very specific reasons that I will reject any favor that anyone asks of me, regardless of how close we are.
These are the reasons.
1.) You Wouldn’t Do the Same for Me.
This ought to be the most obvious reason but clearly, it isn’t in a lot of cases. I am not one to nickel and dime over who should pay the bill for this dinner since the last one was more expensive, but there comes a point when friendships become extremely lopsided.
It’s a basic karma. If you call me today saying that you need to borrow a couple hundred dollars (for good reason) then I’ll consider it. However, if I called you and asked for a similar favor two months ago, and you said no, then guess what I’m going to say this time.
Some would say that that is being petty but it simply isn’t. What goes around really is what comes around, and if you create a history of asking for favors without ever giving them out, they are going to stop coming at some point.
2.) My First Priority is Myself.
Plain and simple. If what you are asking me to do takes away time, energy, or money that I could be putting toward a more productive activity, I am going to decline.
Real friends will always understand your reasoning behind this, and fake ones will try to convince you of what your priorities are. You know your own priorities better than anyone else. Do not let anyone convince you that their priorities are your own.
3.) There Is No Benefit to Me.
Have you ever heard the expression that everyone is consistently tuned into their favorite radio station, WIIFM? That stands for “What’s in it for me?”
Again, turning down a friend or an offer for the reason that there is nothing in it for you is often conceived as selfish. It is not. It is perfectly reasonable to choose to make yourself available anywhere there is an opportunity for you.
So if you ask friends for favors that only benefit you, and provides them with no benefit… then don’t hold them accountable for following through.
This is similar to running a business and making sales. You cannot pick up customers or clients that will just pay you because that’s what benefits you. You need to provide a beneficial service or product back to them in return.
4.) I Have the Choice to Say No.
Finally, it is important to remember that we all simply have the option to say no. It is always an option, and some of us need to learn how to use it on ourselves.
This isn’t to say that you should constantly dodge your friends or your family just to “exercise your right” to say no. It is instead to say that you should never agree to anything because you feel that you don’t have a choice.
Those instances are incredibly far and few between.
There Are Plenty of Reasons to Say Yes.
To wrap this story up, I want to finish by saying that there are always going to be reasons to say yes to people. Basically, if you take any of the above reasons, except look at the opposite, that’s a reason to say yes.
This article was not written to tell anyone that they should be sterner with their friends, or that they should isolate themselves. If anything, it is written for the person that constantly asks for favors, but never makes themself available in return.
It can be hard to say “no” to your friends, your family, or sometimes just other people in general. It creates tension between individuals, and then we start to worry about what others think about us. Whether or not they like us (or still like us).
I can assure everyone that any time I say “no” to your request, I do not do it out of spite, and I do not do it to hold a grudge. I love every single person that I am friends with and with very few exceptions I always will.
I do have priorities though, and I am crystal clear when I have the choice of saying “no” to certain people or activities in order to make room for others.
Once you get clear on that, things start to run more smoothly.
