No one needs you. Get over it!
“No one needs you. Get over it.” — That’s what my husband said when I was micromanaging every damn thing for my family.
I always thought as I am the youngest in my family, I should be the flexible, open-minded and responsible one. After the demise of my father, I thought it was my responsibility to keep my family happy, obey their orders and help them in every possible way.
With all the latest developments and digital transactions, I decided to take the lead and give my best for their convenience.
I never thought of it as a burden but rather took it as a priority.
I made sure that any harsh and messy news didn’t reach them without my personal scrutiny. I filtered and softened its blow before reaching them and my heart assured me that I was doing a great job.
While being busy with all of these, I forgot about my dreams and aspirations. I was so involved in keeping them satisfied that it never occurred to me that I too had a life. And I was pretty okay about not having one. (To be honest, I never imagined I was allowed to have one)
Until one day, when I was having a conversation with my mum about an important change in her life, which needed immediate action but she wasn’t ready to accept the change and responded with “Get a life and get over it”.
I was shocked and deeply hurt.
I was helping her not because I had tons of free time but because I chose her issues above mine and kept all my priorities aside. I took it as my responsibility because that’s what I did from an early age.
I made a choice to help her first but she clearly misinterpreted my intentions.
To be honest, after all these years it came to me as a shock that I was burdening her with my decision. My intentions have always been her happiness but clearly, she didn’t need it because she was okay with the way things were & she wasn’t interested in improving the situation in any way. She was comfortable with her issues and was indirectly asking me to stay away from it.
I can understand everyone loves his/her comfort zone and I was kind of indirectly taking that away from her. But I was just trying to help her so that her money didn’t go in vain and she lived a better life.
Apparently, she doesn’t want anything to be better.
After that conversation, I took a few days off from everything to process the incident and finally decided that I won’t help anyone any longer unless they ask for it other than any medical urgency.
Being considerate had become a curse for me.
I never imagined that I would think in this way. But considering the various incidents of my life including the one with my mum forced me to realize that it would be the wisest decision.
God has gifted me with such a beautiful power of being responsible, which is quite a rare one. I took it as a blessing and showered it on my dear ones but I was overusing it. Some filters had to be applied otherwise everybody was taking it for granted.
It wasn’t easy for me at first to change my perspective or my plan of action but it was the best option for my mental peace. Ultimately that’s my priority above everything else and I can’t afford to affect that in any way.
My Takeaway-
Do not burden someone with your sense of responsibility. (Conditions applied)
First, analyze the situation, understand the requirement and then take the call of whether your help is needed or not. Sometimes you might feel the necessity of helping your close ones without being asked for it (where I get stuck every time) because you care about them. But they might find it unwanted or irrelevant as they don’t feel the need for it.
Next time after helping someone, keep a close watch on how they react after getting your help. Are they grateful or taking you for granted? Are they delighted or not at all bothered about it?
“Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who’s worth your kindness and who’s just taking advantage of you.” — Unknown
I always thought helping others, taking responsibility, and being polite were nice things to do. I am still not denying it. These are undoubtedly very virtuous qualities. However, you have to understand if there is any need for your help or if you are just burdening them with your sense of responsibility.
It took me quite a few years to realize that my help is not needed everywhere. If you think someone is in a miserable state but he/she looks comfortable in that state then let them be. Do not overcomplicate stuff and force them to understand your point of view. It would only bring discomfort and nothing else.
I always thought I am making the right decisions for my family because I wanted the best for them. But lately, I realized they don’t need me. So why force them to do something which they are not comfortable with?
“If they act like they can live without you, let them” — unknown
Thanks for reading till the end!
If you liked reading it, share your opinion in the comment section.
