Nobody wished me a happy birthday on social media, and it was nice
How I removed the unnecessary pressure to show up online which allowed me to connect with my friends and family on a deeper and more intentional level
Back in March, I celebrated my 31st birthday. It was wonderful. I went out for dinner with my family, had a massage, ate pizza in bed with my boyfriend, and got so many lovely gifts. But, for the first time in a long time, nobody wished me a happy birthday on social media, and it was nice. Last year, when I turned 30 I naturally spent time reflecting on my 20’s. I had a great time, in fact, I have an article that pays homage to some of my favorite moments of my 20s. Upon this reflection though, one thing I wanted to consciously implement in my 30s was to reduce my use of social media. I didn’t want to share the intimate details of my life on social media. Quite frequently I see people at events or the gym take photos and then instantly spend the next 10–20 minutes editing and posting the photo. There is nothing wrong with this. However, what is scary is that quite often another person can search the location on social media and immediately find the person who posted the photo and in turn find out a lot of information about them due to the public nature of their accounts. After my 30th birthday, I didn’t immediately delete all of my social media accounts and disappear from the digital world. I think social media can be great, but only when used consciously. Instead, I decided to change the way I present myself online.
Figure out your intentions
When I first started to rethink my use of social media, I spent time determining why I use each of the platforms. For example, I love that Instagram is a digital photo album of fun and precious memories. Facebook is great for keeping in touch with family members and friends who live far away. However, Snapchat felt like a burden to me. I didn’t use it very much and always felt a lot of pressure to respond to snaps even though the person would have sent the same thing to their whole group of contacts. After figuring out my intentions I deleted the social media platforms that were not serving a valid purpose to me.
Set to private
I don’t like the idea of strangers looking at my photos and having the potential to find out personal information about me. For this reason, I make sure my social media accounts are set to private. I also periodically do an audit of people who follow me on my private accounts and if I don’t feel there is a connection I will remove them. There might have been a time when you were happy to keep up with the person you met during your overseas travels all those years ago, but when it has been 10 years since you last saw each other and you have barely said two words to each other in a long time it’s ok to cut the connection.
Share news intentionally
Have you ever found out your close friend was engaged via a Facebook post? I have, and it hurt my feelings. When a close friend has exciting news, I want them to call me up so we can ugly cry together. The same goes for any sad news. Part of friendship is about celebrating and supporting each other through good times and bad. When moving towards a more conscious use of social media one of the best things was that I picked up the phone more often and spoke to my friends and family individually to share news with them. This is so much better than a thumbs up and a “congrats”.
Think before posting
When posting on social media I ask myself the following five questions
- Who will have access to this?
- Who do I want this content to reach?
- Is there any information that could be dangerous in the wrong hands?
- Who else do I need to consider before I post this?
- Could this have a negative impact on any future embarkments?
Circling back to the beginning of the article, I realize that you may have some questions. If you still use social media, how come nobody wished you a happy birthday on the platforms you decided to keep? Don’t worry, I did not go the whole day without my nearest and dearest wishing me a happy birthday. It was done privately, face to face, over a phone call, and with lovely heartfelt text messages. I didn’t receive a series of “HB” on my Facebook wall from people I never talk to, or embarrassing photos on my Instagram announcing to random people that it was my birthday. Choosing to live a more private life has been so good for me, it has removed a layer of unnecessary pressure to show up online and allowed me to connect with my friends and family on a deeper and more intentional level.
