Not All Single Moms Are Obsessed With Finding A Husband
Let’s kill the idea that we all want to be wives
I’ve gotta get this one off my chest as it’s been brewing for a while. Stay with me, it won’t take too long. After all, I’m a single mom. So taking any time away from my kids to write (shower/walk/socialise/eat/breathe..) is considered negligent. Right? So I’m gonna make this one quick. Before the judgement police get riled up.
Here we go.
So It baffles me that when I talk with “well-meaning” family members, some friends or even strangers about my single status. Give them time enough, and people assume that because I’m a single mother, I must be looking for a husband. I mean who wouldn’t in my position?
Aren’t all single moms desperate? That they’ll take anything? Yeap, I know, what silly thinking. But there are people out there, who think that way. And it’s laughable.
I mean the golden prize of a husband must be what EVERY single mom out there is looking for right?
I mean in between all the house-tendering, working, self-care, child-caring, socialising, career building and a mountain of other activities. Why not throw in another grown human “husband “ in the mix?
Heck, he could be an emotionally exhausting, clothes-throwing, never-cooking, barely-cleaning, beer-chugging, videogame-marathon-playing, minimally contributing, and soul-wrecking husband. But who cares? he’s a warm body and fits the role of a husband.
Isn’t that the key to every single mom’s social acceptance and feeling of completeness? She has to be married for her family to be considered a whole family.
Nope. Wrong.
I’m a single mother. I’ve always been a single mother. And I enjoy being single as f*ck. I’m one of those people single-life researcher Bella DePaulo calls a single-at-heart person. People that enjoy and thrive at being single, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
I enjoy my own space, like to be in sole charge of my financial life, and can’t stand a life of drama and woe. My past romantic relationships have been nothing but drama, and psychological, financial, and sometimes physical abuse.
It’s like Cupid was drunk when he hit me with those love arrows. Because I’ve received everything but love from my exes. Now I dread the thought of a full-time live-in adult child, oops I meant husband.
So now contrary to popular opinion, I don’t want a husband. I’ve been doing a fine enough job all by myself raising my little kiddos. Without falling apart. If life is working then why tinker with it?
A woman’s completedness should never be defined by her relationship status. It’s a tragedy many women are made to feel less than because they are uncoupled or unmarried.
It might make married people feel better to downplay a single-moms lack of interet in wifeing up. But there is no real basis to it.
I don’t need a man to mess up with the delicate, enriching life I am building for myself and my kids. So for all those who assume my life would be enriched with a man in my life. No, it wouldn't. What enriches life is overall happiness. This can be achieved either married or unmarried.
I was born alone, and have navigated my life mostly alone. And I’ve made an okay job out of it. I have two doctorate-level degrees, I enjoy nurturing many creative passions (like writing here) and have a healthy social life. All whilst raising my kids without a husband. And without any financial support of any man. Of course, life could be better, but it could also be much worse.
A husband is a big no-no for this gal.
It's okay for some women to chase the goal of a husband. But the only thing I’m chasing is my sanity, peace of mind, and mental well-being. As well as more resources, to provide a better life for myself and my kiddos.
Why can’t people not let others be? There is no template for how to have an ideal life. Let’s face it everything is culturally made up” anyway. I don’t believe marriage is a divinely decreed union. Regardless of what the religious books say. So for now I’m relishing in my husband-free, lifelong spinsterhood journey.
So next time people think I’ll be better off with a husband, may I suggest they stick their advice you know where.
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