Nourishing the Internal Garden
When I tell others that I have a daily meditation practice, the response is some variation of the following: I’ve tried it, but I’ve never stuck with it. Their reasons fall into one of two categories: I can’t sit that long, or there’s too much chatter in my brain.
Ironically, such responses demonstrate the need for a stillness practice. If you can’t sit for 10 minutes once a day, the underlying restlessness is calling to be examined. Perhaps you lack clarity in your relationships, work life or sense of purpose. Maybe a low-level despair lurks in the background, too frightening to explore. Or you’re numbing out on electronics, alcohol, food or shopping.
Whatever the reason, if the mind is racing like a caffeinated squirrel at the end of autumn, it’s likely a sign that something is amiss. That has been true for me. I sometimes felt as though I wasn’t fully inhabiting my body or my life. Meditation has been a saving grace.
Throughout my years of committed practice, I’ve discovered that cultivating a life that is rich and rewarding is like gardening. Our soul is the soil, and it needs to be fed. Life experiences leave us depleted of nutrients, filled with pebbles, and packed hard, dry to the point of cracking. Neglectful or abusive parenting, financial instability, thwarted aspirations, disappointing marriages, and trauma deprive us of our ability to thrive.
The only things that can grow there are weeds, scrubby trees, and cactuses, brittle and thorn-covered. Plenty of defenses, but little beauty and only minimal shade. We feed ourselves with mindless activity, material possessions, and unsatisfying relationships, but the emptiness grows — and the years pass.
The solution is in the soil.
When you plant a garden, you first assess the ground itself. Is it level? Is there drainage? Is it packed with roots from nearby shrubbery? What is the condition and composition of the Earth? Is it filled with clay, sand, or gravel? In other words, you take a clear-eyed, objective look at where you want to plant your garden and what you realistically have to work with.
The same applies to the soul. But rather than condemn what you find, consider how it can be amended. Unearth and inspect branches from your family tree. How have they contributed to the soil’s depletion? If you weren’t parented the way you deserved to be, figure out what was lacking that you still need. If your relationships follow the same destructive pattern, dissect what’s happening and determine your role. Chances are, the answer can be found in the conditions of the soil when you were just a tender, young shoot.
The answers rarely come without dedicating the time to discover them. Regular meditation has helped my garden bear fruit and beautiful flowers. Sitting in silence, stilling my mental activity for 20–30 minutes a day, has worked wonders for my soil’s fertility. I became aware of my thoughts, how they often ran on a loop, and how I believed them to be facts. I recognized that my attitude, emotions and the experience of living my life were being driven by predictable thought patterns, judgments and misperceptions. Although I thought I had free will, I noticed instead that I had become a victim of my unchallenged assumptions.
Of course, it took a while for this to happen. In the early days, a typical meditation was cluttered with extraneous thoughts: This hair on my cheek is itching me; is it “cheating” if I scratch it? Do I have any meetings today? What am I wearing to work (mental rundown of my closet)? … Ah, stillness, what a relief … What am I bringing to work for lunch, and do I have anything to make for dinner? I must remember to put gas in the car before driving to work … This quiet feels good! … (Then I take a peek at the timer — is my time almost up yet?)
But after a few weeks, the quiet spaces between my thoughts began getting longer and longer. And I was able to ever-so-slowly increase the time I spend meditating from an original 10 minutes to 30 minutes, and sometimes more. The key is returning to a focus on my breath when I catch my mind wandering.
“I am not my thoughts; I am the one thinking them.”
By noticing my thoughts and then watching them dissolve, one by one, I realized that my thoughts aren’t running the show. I am. And I am not my thoughts; I am the one thinking them. That separation between the ego-mind and the true, authentic Self leaves open some space for real freedom and growth.
This heightened awareness has spilled into my day-to-day life. For example, through meditating, I realized how, over the year,s I had tied my identity to being the smartest person in the room. Once I was able to process the reasons and let them go, when asked a question, I no longer felt the need to blurt out the first thing that came to mind. Instead, I pause and reflect. Similarly, when someone makes a statement that feels like an accusation, instead of clapping back, I now ask for clarification. At work, rather than assess the success of a project simply by evaluating the outcome, I consider whether I made a positive impact on my teammates.
And when I slip up by reverting to old, maladaptive behaviors, I am able to offer compassion to myself instead of behaving as the internalized angry parent. After all, being human is hard.
I have gained fresh perspectives on some recurring, perplexing problems. I’ve also had truly profound ideas and concepts come to me while meditating, and I keep a journal specifically for these insights.
But you don’t have to take my word for it. Countless studies have shown the value of daily meditation on overall health and mental well-being. Here are a few I found insightful:
· Meditation and Its Mental and Physical Health Benefits in 2023, by NIH’s National Library of Medicine
· Mindfulness Meditation, by the American Psychological Association
· Meditation: A simple, fast way to reduce stress, according to the Mayo Clinic
· 10 health benefits of meditation and how to focus on mindfulness, by UC Davis Health
Hopefully, I’ve piqued your curiosity, and you’re considering beginning to meditate. I recommend starting at five minutes each day until you can tolerate sitting still for that long. You don’t need anything fancy, just the timer on your cellphone. But if you’d like guided meditations, free apps abound. My favorite is Insight Timer, but there is also Headspace and Calm, to name a few.
Whatever you decide, remember to be patient and gentle with yourself. Sometimes, sitting still for 25–30 minutes still feels like torture for me, as my mind is constantly urging me to get up and tackle my to-do list. Then, I remember to return my focus to my breath, and the brain stills, if only for 15 seconds or so.
No matter the quality of the day’s practice, meditation has shown me that I am worthy of regular care and cultivation. So I will continue each day to sit, breathe, quiet my mind and enjoy the ongoing enrichment of my soul.
