Of Candles & Flames
{The key to being truly happy for other people’s success}
So, are we humanly capable of being truly, genuinely happy for other people’s progress and achievements or should we just throw that notion out the window?
Ever had a friend share good news with you and you felt your heart jolt with something else other than joy? Maybe they just concluded a very sweet business deal and thought it wise to spread the joy to you. All of a sudden you panicked. Instead of being happy for them, you felt fear.
Seems odd.
How about the time the time you got a call from them telling you how their business deal went sour and that they needed you to loan them money. To bail them out. Being humane, you felt sorry for them. But also, deep inside, you still felt relief. A feeling you can hardly explain up to now. Why were you relieved that they failed even though it probably went against your virtues?
A few candid conversations with friends and you’ll realize that these types of scenarios are more common than people would like to admit. Feeling this way confirms that you are human, however, entertain these feelings further is what makes it dangerous.
I’ve been guilty of it as well in the past. That was before I found a way to overcome it, which i’ll share with you. To do that, we first need to understand why we fear others’ success.
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another.” James Keller
Candlelight
A common quote, unfortunately tends to be wrong most of the time as per my analysis. Its focus is misguided. It focuses on the candle’s flame. While the problem lies not in the candle losing its flame, but rather the candle losing meaning and value.
Once you have more than one candle lit, then the initial candle is not as important as it once was. It’s not the only source of light anymore. Therefore it can be disposed of without anyone feeling the loss.
Worse still, what if the other candle lights up brighter than this candle? It’ll render the initial candle ineffective and probably useless. it’ll outshine the first candle and eventually might end up replacing it.
This is normally the case with most people. They are not scared of losing what they have but are rather scared of being outshined by others. They are scared of their value of their achievements paling in comparison to others’ success.
That’s what contributes to envy and jealousy. And these two are the main modules in Witchcraft 101 classes. Just continue a few more miles down that road and you’ll soon graduate with first class honors in witchcraft. Not the fancy Harry Porter kind either. Hence why it’s unhealthy to entertain these thoughts further.
In my culture, stereotypical witches shun progress of any kind. They are not interested in their growth and not only that, but they don’t want anyone else to progress in life either. They try to poison anyone who seems to be doing better in life to instill fear in anyone else who has big dreams that might see them leave the village.
Not happy! Why not?
So, why do we feel this way? and more importantly, how do we deal with it?
The two are bound together.
From my observation, we tend to be jealous and apprehensive of other people’s success when we know we are not giving 100% effort to our endeavors.
If you have room to do more than you are currently doing, and you don’t capitalize on that, you tend to loathe anyone else who is making the most out of what they have.
So, you are jealous because deep down you know could do better, and yet you know you aren’t doing it. Owing to your lack the discipline. Furthermore, you are aware of your potential. You know the power discipline and drive have on potential.
So when you see others with similar potential, steadily working on improving themselves, you get scared. When your buddy gets serious about working out and consistently goes to the gym meanwhile you’re skipping sessions, you’ll slowly start rooting for their downfall. You hope they get demoralized like you did and quit. Because you know you lack the discipline and you are well aware of what a disciplined person can accomplish.
How to stop
So how do you stop this and start working towards being genuinely happy for your friends’ progress in life?
It’s simple; do more, apply more effort, dedicate more time to your craft, and discipline yourself to be more consistent.
Talk less, do more.
Stop saying you ought to go to the gym. Instead, start figuring out innovative ways to ensure you consistently work out. As long as you know that you are giving it 100% effort, you wont be intimidated by other people’s success.
Perks of giving a 100%
- Supportive: When you start doing this, you’ll become a very supportive person. You’ll be the kind of person who wants to see others excel in anything they are doing.
That’s why you’ll find billionaires on YouTube freely advising on how to make it in business without asking for anything in return.
2. Grace: You’ll begin handling failures and challenges with grace. As long as you know you did your best, you’ll be able to handle any outcome with your head held high.
You can say with conviction that the failure was not due to a deficiency on your side.
3. Optimism: You’ll be more optimistic about the future. In whatever you do, you’ll always expect a better performance because you know you are giving it your best. Confidence in your abilities and discipline will give you hope for a better future.
Caveat
So, to stop envy and jealousy, you only need to put in more effort in your own endeavors. Simple yet true.
However, if you have done all this and still can’t genuinely celebrate your friends’ success then you might just be a pure-bred witch. We’ll leave you to the higher powers that be for intervention.
Just kidding.
There are several other things that could arouse envy, and jealousy in people. So, if you still feel like being happy for others is a challenge after doing all this, then you should probably seek professional help. Perhaps see a psychologist to get to the root of the problem. This will help you understand yourself better and hence be better placed to understand others as well.
So, work on yourself first. Whatever you want to do, do it with all your heart and all your might, then, lighting another candle will never be a daunting task for you.
Until next time,
I’m yours truly,
GP.
