One Or Two Enemies Won’t Hurt You
Here is what will — Frenemies
The story of Abraham Lincoln is packed with lessons for the discerning mind, much more — as my people say — than one could count on one finger.
However, I find this one particularly useful.
And lost, regrettably, amidst the push and slash of the civil war and the pomp of the century-saving triumph of the Union.
The story that is rarely told is — how did Lincoln come to power in the first place?
Going into the Republican convention in Chicago in 1860, the man had only one lacklustre term in Congress on his CV and nothing more.
Domestically, he'd been losing serially to his Democratic rival, Stephen Douglas.
Against his more popular opponents; three, all former governors and Senators, including the outgoing and popular Cambridge-schooled former New York governor, William Henry Seward, Lincoln didn't stand a chance in hell.
“The conduct of the republican party in this nomination is a remarkable indication of small intellect, growing smaller. They pass over…statesmen and able men, and they take up a fourth rate lecturer, who cannot speak good grammar.”—The New York Herald (May 19, 1860) commenting on Abraham Lincoln’s nomination for president at the Republican National Convention.
So, how did he win?
It was a masterstroke of pure political genius, but also, even more importantly, a chef-d’oeuvre example of the capability — and achievement — of true friendship.
It was Lincoln’s friends who did it all, moving “heaven and earth”, as they promised him.
If you were to do a comparative analysis, it’d take you no hitch at all to conclude that the failure of his opponent, former Ohio governor, Salmon P. Chase was, in contrast, occasioned by his lookworm friends who were more than eager to hand their delegation over to Lincoln before Lincoln’s team even asked.
My old man insists that I bring all my friends to the house where he looks them over with his third eye, and satisfied, gives his mark of approval, telling me that the security of my life is in the hands of the people I keep as friends.
He knows, more than anybody.
His life's biggest betrayal, an anticlimactic event for the whole family, came at the hands of the man he thought his best friend. Our upper-middle-class family descended into complete poverty overnight.
It's a comparative study into the effect of the people who we think of as friends but in reality, aren't and, since it's a case of "either-or", are really our enemies. And worse.
Holding the advantage of the element of surprise, they are our most potent enemies.
"Some will love you, some will use you/ there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you know who is who," raps LOX member and ace rapper, Jadakiss, on a joint.
The problem is when you don't know who is who, when the enemy masquerades as a friend.
Frenemies…
Frenemy (noun) informal: a person who is or pretends to be a friend but who is also in some ways an enemy or rival
Let's cut the crap; there's no in-between and no "buts" when it comes to friendship. One is either your friend or he is not.
The problem, however, is that there’s no cut-and-dried template for true friendship. There are nuances.
Look at the friendship of Disney's Tom and Jerry for example. Tom, a cat, is brought by the family to kill Jerry (a rat) but Tom likes Jerry, a true friend, so, has to pretend to hate Jerry and sometimes even hurt him (although doing no substantial harm) to dissuade the family from taking him away and bringing another cat who'd actually kill Jerry.
Most true friends behave like our spirit guide. They tell us the bitter truths we don't like to hear and being stark realists as loyal people always are, we may not really like sometimes but in truth, they are working behind the shadows, trying to keep us safe all the time.
People with small minds and blunted wits lose friends like this. And a lot of us are, surprisingly.
We prefer the tap-dancing anywhere-wey-belle-face fine talkers who are salesmen for Satan's Ice Cream shop in hell.
Some of us are simply naive. We slap the tag "friend" on anybody who as much as smiles at us and really believe it.
Some of us are just too afraid of making enemies.
So, we keep bandaging our backs after every stab.
We condone betrayal, even try to rationalize it.
We fear the wrong thing.
While fickle friends are a ticking time bomb,
One or two enemies won’t damage you
Enemies are beneficial
Is there any notable person who hasn't got any enemies?
Contrary to conventional wisdom, enemies are exactly what makes a hero.
Every hero needs an adversary — even God needs the Devil. Without evil, good can’t be conceptualized.
The forces that come against you define what you represent.
"A prince must take a side" — Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince.
There comes a point when every man must take a side, draw the line in the sand, and define what he truly stands for. This decision comes with the side effect of an inevitable host of people who don't agree with you, some even to the extent of developing a terrible antipathy towards you.
Shielded in truth, don't waver. History never forgets. Time is the adorned chariot that brings clarity. In the end, even your enemies will become your friends.
"...and above all else to thine own self be true. And as sure as the night follow the day, thou canst then not be false to any man." — William Shakespeare.
Sort your friendships.
The last three or four chapters of Bishop T. D. Jakes's timeless book, "Before You Do" talks about the importance of categorizing friendships. He identifies three major categories of people with whom we interact and calls them the "three C's of friendship" - Constituents, Comrades, and Confidants.
He explains that;
"The first is a Constituent. They are those who are for what you are for! Constituents are important for advancing your vision. And, if you are for what they are for, they will gladly walk with you and work with you and problem-solve with you. But they will not stay with you forever.
The second is a Comrade. They will come alongside you to help fight a mutual enemy. These are not for what you are for, they are merely against what you are against. They are necessary for watching your back and protecting you from unseen obstacles. But don’t be confused by their association; they will only be with you until the victory is won. These friends are like scaffolding. They are very close to you and come into your life to fulfil a purpose; and when the purpose is completed, the scaffolding is removed. Do not be upset about that. When the scaffolding is removed, the building remains. Everybody wins.
The only real risk with Constituents and Comrades is when they are miscategorized. It is when you perceive either of them to be “Confidants” that you could be headed toward heartache when they leave you for another, better cause. This is one reason why many people don’t let people in close. It can be difficult to discern the Constituent and the Comrade from the Confidant; they look so much alike in the moment.
Confidants are different! They are so powerfully special that no matter what, whether you show a frailty or a strength, they treat you with an expectation of greatness! You will have very few of them, and that’s okay. If you have just two or three of these in your lifetime, you are an exception. And since there is only so much time and energy to meaningfully reciprocate this level of relational privilege, you cannot effectively be responsible to more than just a few Confidants anyway.
Constituents are for what you are for; Comrades are against what you are against; but Confidants are those people in your life who are truly for you! For you! Confidants love you unconditionally. They are into you." — T.D Jakes, Before You Do, 2014.
Wrap up.
When you have a chance to make a friend, by all means, please do. Life is so much better with them.
But, what we desire shouldn't overshadow what is obtainable.
Tear up the bandage and make that frenemy your enemy, for that's exactly what he is.
This piece is dedicated to my medium friends: Jacquline Dacres bluesapphire Sophia Tell- Stories 🤓📢🤓 Akaahan Terungwa, and N.R. Earley ✌️
Without wax,
KX
